Ellen's Homepage

Ellen's Celebration of Life

2011-01-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

Dr. Ellen Kay Carson

2011-01-22T10:53:00.000-08:00

Dr. Ellen Kay Carson was a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, sister, and teacher. God Bless her wonderful life on earth. She will be greatly missed by many but heaven received a wonderful angel.

http://www.morningsun.net/obituaries/x1409894529/Dr-Ellen-Kay-Carson

Lord, Lift Me Up!

2011-01-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

Sunday seems like a good day to talk to the Lord. Please interveve for me today as you take your daily devotion or alone time with our God. Sing louder, Pray more sincerely, Love more deeply, Cherish family, Pay ahead without regret. And if you don't know what Pay ahead means - rent the movie. Great afternoon snuggle fest.
Blessings to you,
Love -
Ellen

January 5, 2011

2011-01-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Yesterday was the last radiation treatment for back and shoulder pain and it has worked well. My left arm and hand are still very numb and difficult to use, so I am doing some exercises to strenghthen my arm. I am surprised by the lack of strength, yet Marlin reminds me that due to the pain I wasn't using that hand for several weeks, so it will take time to get it back. Damn, another lesson in patience.
My sis Carol arrived from Billings last evening. She has already settled in as chief cook and bottle washer - lol. I know she'll be a huge support and provide loads of encouragement during her time here. She cooked all afternoon and hosted our two nephews for roast dinner after they had spent the day hunting on the farm. We had a good time, and I used my "time protection button" to send them home when I was beginning to slump.
Yesterday two friends from Washburn made the trip to keep me company. It was a great visit and I appreciate the effort it takes to get to Girard from Topeka!!!! Boy do I!!! I have driven that route since July 2003.
God Bless You as you pray for my increasing strenghth and health.
Here is a poem from a card from friends in the KC area - Jim & Eileen - Thank you for the prayers -

God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strenth for the day,
rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love. Annie Johnson Flint

God Bless You-
Love to you -
Ellen

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T14:54:00.000-08:00

I got home from the hospital December 22nd. It is so good to be home -even with all the paraphenalia - O2 tank & tubing, hospital bed, pain med pump. And it is all manageable. My appetite has returned and I can enjoy the holiday treats without guilt, as I've lost about 25 pounds since Thanksgiving. And that is a first FOR SURE!
Pain level is very good. I get 2 more radiation treatments to my back & left shoulder for pain control, then the physicians will begin to tweak the pain medicine in the pump. I get pretty sleepy with it, so I'm thinking they will decrease the basil rate (what I get all the time) and adjust the bolus (what I get on demand).
I am seeing more visitors, but please don't get insulted when I get up to go to bed. I can't "visit" much or talk, it wears me out, but I like seeing people for short periods - 45 - 60 minutes. Some of my friends from Topeka/Lawrence came for a visit and I truly thank them for the "pick me up". It was delightful to see your friendly faces.
Lindsay and Aaron are home for the weekend, they are with his family today in Scammon. Thank you Carolyn for the delicious meal on Friday evening - we enjoyed it the next day, too, so it gave Marlin a break from cooking. My sister, Carol, will arrive from Billings, MT on Tuesday evening, if the snow doesn't get any higher in Montana! She will stay 10-14 days, accordng to her itenerary. That's the update as I know it.
Send me your prayers and positive thoughts -
Blessings to you -
Love to you.
Ellen

December 22, 2010 - Update

2010-12-22T09:05:00.000-08:00

I had a good night's sleep last night and slept well for a couple of good stretches. They are arranging for my discharge this afternoon. I will have my pain pump and hospital bed at home. I started radiation on Monday and will continue for a week or so. The doctor will evaluate before Tuesday on the effects. My pain level is 2 or 3 out of 10 most times and my appetite is good. They are giving me laxis for the swelling so I"m getting exercise running (very slowly) to the bathroom. My breath sounds are better and my shortness of breath is lessened. I"ll be on home oxygen as needed.
Lindsay is home for the week and my sister, Nora, is here for two weeks. Christmas will be spent at home.
I have received very good care at the hospital. It pays to know good nurses in different areas!! lol My friend Cheryl who continues to teach at PSU, has been a constant advocate and asked her RN students who work as hospital supervisors at night have included me in their routine rounds. What service! Of course, I already have a letter composed to the unit director complementing the best nurses. I am so proud of our profession.
I have had a few visitors while in the hospital but really postponing them until I get home. Thanks to those that came for a short to visit. Merry Christmas to you.

Love,
Ellen

Low Phase

2010-12-18T16:27:00.000-08:00

December 9 was the beginning of a low phase. I have been having increased pain my left arm and back and that Thursday it came to a head. My pain was so bad that I went to Girard ER in the early morning for pain control and after a shot, they sent me to cancer center in Pittsburg Mt. Carmel (Via Christi) to Dr. Mathews, my oncologist. I was also very short of breath. After an x-ray and a PET scan, they discovered a tumor in the spinal coulmn which they anticipate is bone metatasis. I have been in Mt. Carmel for pain control for the last four days waiting for records from Barnes Jewish in St. Louis so that the doctor can develop a radiation plan. Radiating the tumor to shrink it should help the pain. My appetite has been very poor but has improved in the last couple of days. My treatment will be at least 10-14 daily sessions, which take only a few minutes. My family has surrounded me with care and my friends extended their offer of help and I will need them soon. I am hoping to be dismissed from the hospital on Monday after my radiation treatment.
Blessings to you.
Love,
Ellen

Done in Love

2010-12-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

It's been over a month since I have added anything to my blog. I have used every ounce of energy to keep up the daily routine. Although, lately there has been little routine. I attended my sister "Geneva Convention" the second weekend in November in Comfort, Texas, near San Antonio. We had a great time together in a fabulous setting.
After I had such a bad reaction to the last combination chemo, IV and oral, my physician gave me a break and I haven't had any chemo since the week before Thanksgiving. What is really strange about my reaction is that I have lost my appetite. And if you knew my family history, you'd know that it takes alot to loose one's appetite. I managed to eat a good Thanksgiving dinner, but most food and odors cause me nausea. I haven't thrown up, but the queaziness in the stomach is enough to detour my eating. I do eat about one small meal a day and supplement with liquid shakes, like Ensure. I got very dehydrated the week after Thanksgiving, so took a liter of fluids at the cancer center and promised to drink more. Dehydration sometimes causes nausea, along with a slightly elevated temperature - which I had. So I am drinking more green tea, coke, 7Up, and water.
Only two weeks left of the semester and Marlin is planning to drive me to Topeka both weeks, I don't think I'm ready to drive that far by myself. I have only three lectures and some papers to grade, then turn in grades for the term. Graduation is Dec. 17 with Nurses' Pinning on Saturday the 18th. The senior class has asked me to be Mistress of Ceremonies for Pinning and I am so hoping that I can do this. It is an honor for me that the senior class would think so much as to ask me.
Marlin has been pretty handy around the house and we have Christmas shopping done, wrapped and under the tree. Just a few personal gifts I want to get for special friends and I'll be done shopping. Tosha and Lindsay put up my two Christmas trees Saturday after Thanksgiving - one large one in the living room and my Santa tree in the family room. The fireplace mantel has a simple pine garland with cones and I've put out a few things in the kitchen.
I am happy for the season and expect to maintain positive health. I am experiencing some highs and lows and need your support, love, and prayers for each phase.
I want everything I do to be done in love. I Corinthians 16:14
Blessings to you -
Love,
Ellen

Impossible days

2010-11-05T15:25:00.000-07:00

Ixempra was given to me Oct. 29, IV at the cancer center. I started the oral drug -Xeloda - the next day, two pills twice a day with meals. Sunday, Oct. 31, the Ixempra "hit". The best way I can explain is that I had "instant arthritis" in every joint and could hardly move. I had horrible pain. I have been fortunate not to have any nausea or vomiting and that continues, but I am having difficulty with constipation (mostly because the pain drugs I take have this side effect). So I have been eating prunes, drinking more fluids, and taking fiber pills. (please don't send me your cures for this side effect - I have access to them all, remember I am a nurse??) The oncologist changed my pain pills to an even stronger pill, and I take it more frequently. I am still having pain from the hand surgery I had Oct. 4th, so I can be very short tempered, just ask Marlin. I can now relate to people who have stated that some impossible days, they got through them one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time - thanking God for the blessings in their life.
I did not go to Topeka this week, but worked via computer/internet for a few minutes at a time. Enough to keep up email and responding to students' questions. I am improving each day and I hope to get to Topeka this week. Marlin will have to drive me, cause I don't think I can drive 3 hours by myself. Marlin has been wonderful in caring for me, making sure I took meds on time and keeping me nourished and hydrated.
My routine weekly blood tests showed that my white cell count is very low, and so I should stay away from crowds, wash hands, etc, as this means I am more susceptible to infections.
I will continue to take the oral chemotherapy pills this week and next week, I'll have the week "off" before Thanksgiving. I will begin the "round" again Nov. 19th with the IV drug and two weeks of the pill.
I am thinking that I should include a verse on patience, but I am too impatient to look one up, so "God give me patience and give it to me now!"
I am thankful for each of the blessings provided to me.
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

Being a Warrior!

2010-10-23T07:55:00.000-07:00

October has been an eventful month. I cancelled going to Berlin, Oct. 12, as I had an "intuition". I grieved not going, I had planned and worked for the trip for months. However, by Wednesday (the day I was to arrive in Berlin), I was running a temperature, sweat though two sets of pajamas overnight and was coughing, coughing, coughing. I had gone to Topeka, since I didn't go to Berlin, so I could get some work done in the office. By Thursday afternoon, I was in bed. I called my doctor and he ordered a Z-pack antibiotics and I picked it up at Walgreens in Topeka. I stayed in and rested, took tylenol for temperature. Friends were great to bring me soup, juice and other comforts during the weekend. By Monday, I was not improving much and became very short of breath, so I called Marlin to come and get me in Topeka. I knew I couldn't drive. He and a friend came after me and I immediately went to the cancer center to see the nurse practitioner, who had an open appointment (after a cancellation) in the late afternoon. A chest x-ray revealed more fluid on the left lung. She changed my antibiotic and gave me a different pain pill for the pins and needles in my hand which in my estimation, was worsening.
Wednesday, I had another lung drain (thoracentesis) at Girard. (The same day the hospital had the "bomb" threat - that's another story, you'll have to ask me later.) This time the surgeon removed 1500 cc - twice as much as 26 days earlier. So -
I had an appointment with Dr. M, oncologist, on Friday morning. After some discussion, we have decided to change drugs. To put it simply, the current drugs were not working and the cancer cells were making a fluid tumor, as there were cancer cells in the fluid. The new drugs will be Ixempra and Xeloda. Ixempra is given IV every three weeks, and the Xeloda is an oral pill that I take daily for two weeks, then off a week. I start the new routine Oct. 29th. I have been so blessed with minimal side effects, I hope it maintains and that these drugs will kick some cancer cell ass!
Got my hair trimmed and dyed light red, so I can omit the wig if I want. Have not been wearing my prosthetic breasts either, because the bra strap was contributing to the arm pain. So I am taking on a WARRIOR appearance to match my warrior spirit. I may look for a breast plate during halloween, so I can really get into the role! LOL
With all I've been through, I am reminded of the blessings I have in my everyday life. My family checks on me regularly, sends me cards and flowers and my Girard friends have brought food and uplifting visits.
I am enjoying the fall weather and the color of the trees and foliage as time marches onto winter.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-20.

Blessings to you -
Love to all,
Ellen

Beautiful day!

2010-10-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

This posting will be short, as I am not to be typing so much yet. Friday, Oct. 1 I saw a neurologist about the pain in my arm, felt like electricity from my neck out my left hand. He diagnosed carpel tunnel, so on Monday, Oct. 4, I had surgery. The pain has lessened considerably, I still have numbness in my thumb and index finger. I was fortunate to get treatment rapidly after suffering with this for nearly 2 months! I am feeling good most days, just fight fatigue.
I am traveling next week for 6 days to Berlin Germany - work related, one day to tour and shop. I will have two colleagues traveling with me - trying to figure out how to pack "extra" light. I am blessed with family this weekend, as Lindsay and Aaron are home from Wichita and Grant and Tosha are having a yard party this evening. The weather is beautiful.
God's love paints a rainbow on the canvus of our days.
May He fill your life with beautiful reminders of His love.
Blessings to you,
Love to you -
Ellen

Long Pain and Sorrow Bear

2010-09-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

For several weeks I have experienced pain in my left neck, shoulder, arm and hand, with numbness in my thumb, index finger and middle finger. I had complained to my oncologist and he suggested that the lymphedema (swelling) in my left arm might be causing some of the pain, along with carpel tunnel syndrome (since I had recently started school and began typing/computing more). So for these weeks, I have worn compression sleeves and gloves on both hands, worn a support splint on my left hand and eased the pain with ibuprofen and prescribed pain pills. I also used heat and ice packs and got a weekly massage, which seemed to help - at least it improved the lymphedema in my arms. On Friday, Sept. 17, I complained to my oncologist that the pain had worsened and that some days I could not function, the pain was so severe. He ordered a different pain pill and asked me to call him in a few days to report how the new pill was working. On Tuesday, Sept. 21, I called to report there was no improvement and that I wanted some tests done. I worried about a cervical spine bone spur or a slipped disc or that cancer had spread to the bone- something that was causing the numbness and pain. I was also becoming more short of breath and was coughing frequently. I had a PET scan on Thursday, Sept. 23 then saw Dr. M. on Friday morning to get the results. The good news was that the cancer had not spread to my bones, in fact, no significant changes were noted from the last scan in July. The bad news is that the fluid in the pleural space (lung tissue) had significantly enlarged and probably was causing the coughing and shortness of breath. Dr. M. recommended that I get the fluid drained immediately. A surgeon was called and a thoracentisis was done that afternoon at Via Christi in Pittsburg. A thoracentisis is a draining of the pleural space around the lung. It is done by inserting a needle into the back between ribs and drawing the fluid from the pleural space. The skin and muscle is numbed by lidocaine (a local anesthetic) before the needle is inserted. It is uncomfortable - and you are awake for the proceedure. Dr. H. removed 800 milliliters of fluid - about 26 ounces. I could immediately breath better, breathe without coughing and talk without coughing. I spent a short time in the recovery room and went home. I did have quite a bit of pain when I returned home, and I became short of breath, so I went to the ER at Girard for evaluation. The x-ray of my lungs was okay - I was afraid that the left lung had collapsed, which is a complication of thoracentisis. I was given a heafty dose of morphine and dismissed to home.
The pain in my shoulder and neck has lessened - however, my finger continue to be numb and painful. I am to have an MRI scan of my neck and head on Monday morning to seek a reason for the continued pain. I am taking less pain medication now and breathing much easier.
I was so fortunate to have my personal nurse, Kathy, to stay with me and Marlin, to support me during Friday's adventures. Lindsay was home Friday evening and spent the weekend pampering her mom. She and Tosha cleaned house, cooked, did laundry and put up fall decorations in the house. I am so very thankful to have such wonderful daughters! I love them both so much!
Today at church we had a baby dedication service for three families. What a blessing to share in the joy of new life! We sang the hymn "All Creatures of Our God and King" - one verse especially spoke to me -
And all forgiven tender hearts, forgiving others, take your part, sing praises, Alleluia!
You who long pain and sorrow bear, praise God, who knows your every care.
O praise God, O praise God, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
Blessings to you -
Love to you!
Ellen

Praising Him for Today/1

2010-08-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up pain-free. I have been having pain in my left arm, shoulder and upper back since vacation the end of July. Marlin and I decided to take the Pontiac for the 3,300 mile trip. It was fun to pack light and "live dangerously". Marlin enjoyed driving most of the way - I did drive a few hours. In my packing light mode, I forget to take my compression sleeves for my arms - I know to wear them when flying, but didn't think about the altitude in the mountains. I became sore and swollen (lymphedema) in my arms, very uncomfortable. Upon return home I began working on decreasing the swelling and the discomfort caused by the swelling. So for several weeks, I have worn the compression sleeves daily, decreased salt intake, drank more water, self-massaged the arms and gotten a professional massage weekly. I had chemo yesterday and a massage in the afternoon. After returning from dining out at Ernesto's with Grant, Tosha and Marlin, I took a pain pill and a sleeping pill and went to bed about 10 pm. I woke up feeling the best I have in months!!! Praise God!
Marlin and I took a trip to see National monuments and visit my sis and bro-in-law in Billings, too. We went through S. Dakota to see the Corn Palace in Mitchell, Wall Drug, Stugis (before 440,000 bikers arrived), Mt. Rushmore, Crazy Horse, the Billings, Red Lodge, Yellowstone, the Grand Tetons, Jackson Hole then home.
Depend on the Lord: trust him, and he will take care of you. Psalm 37:5
Blessings to you
Love,
Ellen

Celebrate!

2010-07-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

I will praise you. Lord, with all my heart. I will tell all the miracles you have done. I will be happy because of you; God Most High. I will sing praises to your name. Psalm 9: 1-2

I had a PET scan on Tuesday, July 13 - the results are back and are much better than the scan I had in April. The spots around my breast bone (sternum) were smaller and less dense, the spot near my left kidney was not visible, the spot that I could feel in my neck is not visible and I can no longer feel it. PTL! The tumor marker number has decreased substantially - still not "normal" but heading the right direction. I have fluid around the left lung and that has increased a bit, and will continue to be watched closely. Generally, very good news. Please continue your prayers, positive thoughts and energy. I am forever grateful for all the support I receive.
Last week Marlin and I hosted my family reunion - from Thursday evening until Sunday evening, we hosted several meals and enjoyed the company of my family. My only surviving cousin from the Shipman side visited with us on Saturday. It was fun visiting with her remembering our childhoods and catching up family news. On Friday afternoon, my oldest sister, Luanne, hosted a "Girls' Tea Party" in my living room. The photo of the group is posted. We did invite Luanne's youngest grandSON - and he sat at the head of the table keeping all us ladies in check. We enjoyed two types of tea - complete with cream and sugar - and several sweet treats.
Sunday, my siblings and their families hosted a picnic for our extended family on my mother's side - the Stewart Reunion. There were about 64 people attending at Winston Park in Girard. My sister, Nora, from San Antonio stayed a couple of days after the crowds lefton Sunday to help me put the house in order. She and I went to Topeka so she could see my apartment and my office - something she has never been able to do - and then on Wednesday, I took her to the airport in Kansas City. It was a great weekend full of family and laughter.
Marlin and I are now preparing for a 10 day trip to Mt. Rushmore, Montana, Yellowstone and the Grant Tetons. We are taking our convertible to enjoy the scenery up close!
I am truly blessed - and hope you are enjoying the blessings provided to you each and every day. Appreciate those who support you and give them hugs every day. Thank God for your health and the pleasures you can experience during this life.
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

God's Mountain

2010-05-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

I had a PET scan completed April 13th that revealed some new activity in the mid-chest region and my blood tumor marker had increased. Dr. Mathew saw me the next week to discuss changing the chemotherapy medicines because he believes that the ones I had been taking were not working as well as they were previously - the tumor cells do become resistant to cancer medicines, just like germs become resistant to antibiotic medicines. So now my chemotherapy drugs will be Avastin (been using this) and the new one - Abraxane, or paclitaxel, protein-bound so that it attaches to the cancer cells better and hopefully kills them faster. I take Abraxane weekly on Friday and every third week, I will get both Avastin and Abraxane. So maybe Dr. Mathew is now starting at the first of the alphabet and working down!?? I will not get any weeks off, now, unless I request them, or my blood count is too low. My next PET will probably be in about 3 months.
After the first dose last week, I felt good - good enough to believe I could do major housework - cleaning floors and bathtubs - and Sunday I was so sore I couldn't get out of bed. So much for doing spring cleaning. I was having much pain in my arms and upper back and chest, especially the left side. After mastectomies, I was warned to not stress my arms, because the surgery can impact muscles of the arms and chest. So I am now a firm believer, that yes, indeed, the surgery does affect muscle strength and stamina. I have taken much of the advice about protection of my arms to task - I carry a much smaller purse, I don't carry heavy book bags (work related) - I bought a rolling case for work. I avoid wearing binding clothing or tight braceletes on either arm. My watch now spins around my wrist. Each day I must remember to care for myself.
Today, I am feeling well and uplifted. My family and friends remain supportive, loving and prayerful. I am grateful for my life.
I share with you a verse from a card I recently received in the mail:
There's not a moutain God cannot conquer,
There's not a storm He cannot still,
There's not a heart He cannot touch,
There's not a prayer He does not hear.
May you be encouraged knowing God is near and He Cares for YOU.
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

March Blur

2010-04-04T14:52:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter! I can hardly believe that March is now only a memory - such a busy month for me and my family. Grant and Tosha married on March 6th and several family members joined them the next week for a honeymoon in LasVegas. Tosha's sister, Tina and husband Josh, along with Lindsay, Aaron, Marlin and me spent 5 days seeing the sights in and around LV. We spent Sunday on a Hoover Dam tour. Most of the time we walked the LV strip to see the free shows - and some of them were impromtu - if you know what I mean. LOL! The water show at the Bellagio was my favorite - spectacular!
I traveled to Belfast, Northern Ireland for a 9 day trip for work, March 22-31. I traveled with a colleague and we had a successful trip. Washburn is planning student and faculty exchanges with three universities in Europe and Queen's in Belfast is one of the participating nursing schools. The weather was unseasonably cool, wet (rained almost every day), and it snowed the last day we were there - delaying flights out. I was really glad to get home.
I took chemo treatment on Thursday, April 1, no foolin', and I was really tired for a couple of days. I'm sure part of it was jet lag, but nevertheless, I was very fatigued and nearly slept all day on Saturday after treatment. I have a PET scan scheduled for April 13 and I am anxious about it. Results will determine if the chemo drugs continue to fight the disease. I am having pain in my left shoulder, which worries me, but the physician doesn't seem too concerned. I'll have another treatment next Friday, April 9, then the scan the following Tuesday.
Only 6 weeks of school left - hard to believe, it goes so fast! I plan to teach an on-line class in June.
And a verse for Easter Sunday -
Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life. John 6:47.
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

Cold weather and a cold

2010-02-19T17:30:00.000-08:00

It has been an unusual winter - snow in San Diego, Dallas, South Carolina?? I am growing tired of the cold weather and the snows we've experienced. Last week on Tuesday, I arrived in Topeka to a slight snow with some slick spots which propelled my red Toyota into a parking gate at work - and a little tiny bump on the front of my car caused $2,000 damage! Luckily, it took only a few days to fix and I'm back in the driver's seat again. And my Toyota isn't on the recall list!
My treatment has been stalled. I received treatment three weeks ago (Avastin, Carboplatin & Gemzar) and got along well, however, the next week my blood counts were too low to get treatment. White blood count is particularly affected and this makes me susceptible to infections. So this week, I got a cold, which cancelled treatment today. I've spent most of the day in the recliner cat-napping with my cat, Cookie, on my lap keeping me warm.
I have felt good overall. I continue to travel to Topeka to teach, three to four days a week. I am planning a trip to Belfast in March to make arrangements for faculty and student exchanges with nursing schools in Europe.
Just two weeks until Grant and Tosha get married. Lindsay and Aaron will be here this weekend to help with some preparations. We'll be printing programs and other last minute things. Our family was at Lindsay and Aaron's last weekend for Valentine's weekend. We had fun shopping and eating out - spending time together.
Hope you are keeping warm and enjoying the day.
Blessings to you -
Love,
Ellen

Good News

2010-01-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

I am praising God today and thanking everyone for their prayers. The results of the PET scan last week were very encouraging. The scan in October revealed that cancer had spread and the scan from last week showed a marked decrease in number and size of tumors. Some are so small they cannot be seen on a scan (pea-sized cannot be seen). My oncologist believes this chemo routine is working. I know it is chemo - AND the power of prayer that created the miracle. Thank you, Lord, for hearing those prayers!
I did get chemo again today and will again next week. I see the oncologist January 29th to determine the protocol and how many more rounds before the next scan.
I am feeling very good - especially after this news, but I did have very positive thoughts regarding this scan and was less anxious to hear results. I had the peace that passes all understanding.
I will return to Topeka this week for faculty meetings at Washburn. Classes begin next week.
I am enjoying a very fun distraction - wedding planning. My son, Grant, is engaged and will marry Tosha on March 6 in Girard. Tosha will be a wonderful addition to our family and we lover her very much. I am making her veil and the flower girl dress. I am thoroughly enjoying all this!
But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You. Psalm 5:11
Blessings to you!
Love to you -
Ellen

The Promise of a New Year

2010-01-03T16:12:00.000-08:00

I had chemo last week, just the Gemzar. My blood counts were a little low, so the dosage was adjusted lower to help decrease the side effects. I have felt good, some fatigue, and a few minor nosebleeds, but I can function pretty good and keep up with the house, cooking, and doing some shopping!! Grant, Tosha, Marlin and I went to Joplin on New Year's Day for a little shopping trip. Grant and Tosha found some bargains, and I enjoyed being with my family.
I have blood tests tomorrow (Monday, Jan. 4) and a PET scan on Thursday Jan. 7th. The PET scan will help determine if the chemo is working and how many more treatments will be planned. Please keep me in your prayers.
I provided Children's moment in church today - talked about a new year being full of surprises, anticipation and expectations. Although we hope for good things, tough times present themselves and we depend on God for guidance. May all those reading this be richly blessed in the new year.
Depend on the Lord, trust Him, and he will take care of you. Psalm 37:5
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

Christmas Message

2009-12-23T18:34:00.000-08:00

My blood counts were near normal on Monday, December 21, so I received chemotherapy - Avastin, Gemzar, Cisplatin. It takes about 2 hours. I saw the nurse practitioner, Hyla, as Dr. M. is in India visiting family for a few weeks. Hyla is a wealth of information and support. Side effects have been much better with the latest routine. The most bothersome is nosebleeds, although I had fewer this go round. I worked Tuesday and Wednesday morning in my footcare business. My energy level was good until this afternoon. I decided to make some adaptions to Christmas preparation this year. House decorations are much more simple, cookie baking has been limited (mostly because of my no sugar diet!), and I decided to nix sending Christmas cards - so if you usually get a card from my family - our greeting is no less sincere - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
We will attend Christmas eve services at 9 pm and enjoy a light supper with our children afterward. Our tradition is brunch on Christmas morning after opening presents - and that will continue - then Lindsay and Aaron will go to his parents and Grant and Tosha will go to her parents for a dinner. Marlin and I will spend a quiet day at home.
Thanks to everyone for the cards, letters, flowers, goodie baskets, and most importantly - your prayers. I hope that you enjoy the season of Christmas and remember the reason for the season.
The magic message of Christmas is that God gave us so much more than we can possibly give back. Norman Vincent Peale
Blessings to you -
Love,
Ellen

By the Grace of God

2009-12-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

After bidding my sister from Texas goodbye, Marlin drove me to Pittsburg to the Cancer Center. Treatment went well this week, on Monday, November 30. Blood counts were nearly perfect. Dr. M. changed the dosages of two drugs and changed cisplantin to carboplatin (less toxic) and the infusion only lasted 2.5 hours instead of 4. A better morning, for sure! I traveled to Topeka to work that afternoon. I am a little tired, but no nausea or other side effects. I actually did a little bit of Christmas shopping yesterday evening.
Thanksgiving was a special family time this year. All my siblings and some of their children were able to get together for a feast on Saturday. I think there were 25 people at my house! Phil & Joyce were great to host a weiner roast that evening on the farm, complete with hay bails for seats, sharpening our own roasting sticks and hot apple cider. The kids (and the big kids) had a great time. It brought back many memories of church and 4-H bon fires from our youth. Best of all was the time we spent together.
I have a list of tasks to complete at Washburn as the semester ends next week. Papers to grade and student conferences, final exams next week. Graduation is Friday and Saturday next week and I hope to get all my grades turned in so I don't have to return the next week. However, technology allows me to submit grades via computer online, so I am able to complete that task long distance, if I must.
I am looking forward to the weekend. Marlin and I are going to Wichita to see Aaron and Lindsay. We'll attend Friday night concert with Trace Adkins and Martina McBride. Grant and Tosha will come on Saturday for shopping and Aaron's 30th birthday party that evening. His birthday is December 7.
Rather than a Bible verse, I will share with you something from my friend Belinda, who sent it via email.

Happy moments, praise God;
Difficult moments, seek God;
Quiet moments, worship God;
Painful moments, trust God;
Every moment, thank God.

I continue to covet prayers and positive thoughts, positive energy, love and friendship from all of you reading this blog. By the grace of God, I am feeling well and blessed.
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

November Review

2009-11-25T11:16:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe that November is nearly over and I have neglected updating my blog. I have been on a little "roller coaster" ride since my treatment on October 30th.
The week following the first round I was really fatigued, sleeping 12 hours a day (very unusual for me!) Dr. M. prescribed meds for the nausea which really helped, but I still felt queasy - unsure if my stomach was hungry or I was nauseated. I did go to work the next week, but I was so fatigued, that I cut the work time short and headed home for Girard and family support. My blood counts were okay the next week and I recieved Gemzar only on November 6th. Over that weekend, I caught a little virus and become hoarse and started coughing. Alot of coughing! I went to work again, kept to myself in my office (away from students) and was able to work that week. This week was my "off" week from chemo, but I felt pretty lousey because of the cold. During that week, I experienced nose bleeds 4 days in a row, a side effect of Avastin. I saw the physician on November 20th - still a little hoarse, but the cough had subsided. My blood counts were too low for chemo, which was to be the next round of all three medications. I returned to the cancer center on Monday, November 23, but my white blood cell count was still "borderline" low, and the Dr. recommended that I postpone chemo until Monday, November 30th. I was secure in the knowledge that this was meant to be - that the Lord had intervened so that I would have a good Thanksgiving holiday with my family.
My sister from Texas arrived on Monday to stay a week. My sister (and husband) from Glen Ellyn (Chicago) and my sister (and husband) from Billings along with my brother's family will be at my home for a Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday.
We will be traveling to Grand Lake (Oklahoma) on Thursday to have dinner with Marlin's family - his brother has a home at the lake. This has been a tradition for several years. Grant will be spending the day with Tosha's family in Kansas City. (Did you know we are planning a wedding for March 6?)
Lindsay and Aaron will be at the lake, too.
I have much for which to be thankful - family, friends, colleagues, a comfortable home, a country I love. Take a few minutes and ponder those loved ones and creature comforts that you have in your life. Thanks be to God!
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report -- I will think about such things. The things I have learned and received and heard and seen in those who walk with Christ, I will practice, and the God of peace will be with me. Philippians 4: 8-9.
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

Beginning again

2009-11-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

I had chemo on Friday, Oct. 30th in Pittsburg. Dr. M. had discussed my treatment with Dr. Bose in St. Louis and they agreed to change the plan a bit from what they originally told me. I will be getting all three drugs, Avastin, Gemzar and Cisplatin on day one - which takes about 4 hours, then the next week, I receive only one drug, Gemzar. Week three, I have no drugs, just do blood studies. The plan is to do this rotation three times and repeat the PET scan. Depending on the results, one drug may be changed. Since the cisplatin causes nausea and vomiting, I was prescribed several drugs to combat this - I take them by mouth for three days following treatment. I have been able to eat meals and have been pushing water to maintain hydration.
Need to update everyone on the diet I've been eating. My version of anti-cancer - no refined sugar, very little refined flour (eating whole grains), very little meat - chicken about 3 times a week and lots of vegetables and fruits. I have been on this diet since mid-August and do not feel deprived, although "no sugar" has been the most challenging. I have lost about 22 pounds and feel well. I haven't been walking as much as I probably need to, so I am sure if I had been exercising more, my weight loss would be more. Most people, me included, believe that chemo will cause you to looses weight. Because the anti-nausea meds are so much better than in years past, most people gain weight because they are able to eat, yet are fatigued and don't exercise.
I am experimenting more in the kitchen and using soy in some of my dishes. I get some funny looks from the family, but they have been supportive and do try the dishes.
My sister, Luanne, from Chicago, will be here today for a brief visit. I look forward to seeing her and catching up on the family.
Thank you again for continued prayers, cards, calls, visits. My support system is wonderful! Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

Staying in Today

2009-10-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

The PET scan results were favorable - no evidence of disease in the bones, liver and lungs, but some lymph nodes in the chest remain "hot". I will begin chemotherapy on Oct. 30th at Mt. Carmel in Pittsburg. The rotation for chemo will be every week for three weeks, then one week off. The medications include Avastin, cisplatin and gemzar. After two rotations, I will get another PET scan to see how the drugs are working. I am hopeful that the chemo will decrease the cancer, as it did the first time. These three drugs are different from the drugs used after I was first diagnosed, often the cancer cells become resistant to drugs, so the protocol is to change the drugs and "surprise" the tumor cells.
I am feeling more hopeful this week. I am back to work in Topeka, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of each week during chemo. I am thankful for the miracle of computers and internet, as I am connected with my work, even when I am far away.
I am cherishing time with my family and friends and enjoying the fall colors. Today is a great day.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers.
Therefore, I will not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Matthew 6:34

Blessings to you -
Love to you!
Ellen

In the Valley

2009-10-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

I have been traveling "the valley" this week, a little blue and discouraged. Physically, I feel well - the incision has healed and I have no remaining discomfort from the surgery. I saw Dr. Mathew, oncologist from Pittsburg, on Thursday. He has ordered another PET scan for this Thursday and discussed chemotherapy with me and Marlin. Depending on the results of the scan, I may start chemo October 30. The routine will be weekly treatments for three weeks, then one week off.
I return to work this week in Topeka, I'll be there only three days.
I was happy to have Lindsay home this weekend and our family spent some time together - always a good thing.
In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11
Blessings to you.
Love -
Ellen

Contemplation

2009-10-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis on Tuesday for follow up with my surgeon. She was pleased with my healing and removed the 2 drains. I had nearly immediate relief from discomfort. Dr. M. shared with me the pathology report - 33 lymph nodes removed and 12 had cancer, the tumors are ER/PR and HER2neu negative, a bit different than last time. This cancer is termed "triple negative" and is considered aggressive. Treatment plans were discussed by the team in St. Louis and the oncologist will discuss the team's recommendations with my oncologist in Pittsburg. I see him next week.
I am praying and thinking about future treatments. I am less in a rush to begin this next round. I hate that cancer "takes over" your life. I am refusing to let it be the center of mine. I will lean on Jesus to help me through the next few months.
I appreciate my pastor's "thought for the day" that I'll share.
When you've exhausted all possibilities, remember this: You haven't.
Robert H. Schuller
Blessings to you -
Love,
Ellen

Every Season

2009-10-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

I am feeling much better since the pleurisy diagnosis on Monday. Yesterday I seemed to be more sore, but today I feel much better and able to breath without pain.

I wanted to share a few of the beautiful fall bouquets I received after my surgery. I have really enjoyed the color and fragrance they lend to our home. I spent today doing alot of "self-care". I got my hair cut real short and colored (red, again), called to make appointments with the dentist, the optometrist, etc. I have been so focused on cancer doctors, that I have postponed other essential health services.

Today is St. Theresa's day (my Catholic friend tells me) and my sister (non-Catholic, but an on-fire Christian) sent me St. Theresa's prayer. St. Theresa was knowns for doing small things to show God's love. Take some time today to show God's love.

I will get a report from the tumor board in St. Louis tomorrow and I see Dr. Mathew, my Pittsburg oncologist, on October 15. I'm sure between the team at Barnes and Dr. Mathew, a new plan will be implemented. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for the cards, calls- DELICIOUS food - and mostly your fervent prayers on my behalf.

There is a time for everything and everything on earth its special season. Ecclesiastes 3:1.

Blessings-

Love to you!

Ellen

Deep Breathing

2009-09-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

I have been experiencing left-sided chest pain for over 24 hours. It really started to bother me yesterday - each time I tried to take a deep breath, I had sharp knife-like pains in my left upper chest, just under the clavicle (collar bone). By this morning, the pain had gotten worse and I was becoming very concerned. I asked Marlin to take me to the emergency department at the local hospital. I was sure it wasn't heart pain (I'm a nurse, remember, I know these things), but of course, all the cardiac tests had to be done to make sure it wasn't my heart. I had a chest x-ray, too. All my blood tests were "normal" and the ECG (heart tracing) was better than the last time I had one! The chest x-ray didn't show pneumonia or a collapsed lung (good thing), so by the process of elimination - and by my symptoms, it was decided I had pleurisy. Pleurisy is an inflammation of the lining of the lung, and each time you try to take a deep breath, the lining stretches and causes pain. So I must take pain pills and anti-inflammatory drugs (ibuprophen) for about 5 days, until symptoms abate.
I am home - resting - and reading the pile of cards I got in today's mail.
Thank you all!
Then the Lord God took dust from the ground and formed a man from it. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nose and the man became a living person. Genesis 2:7

Love to you -
Ellen

God is in Control

2009-09-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

Dear friends have reminded me - God is in control. The last couple of days provided several affirmations of that fact. Because another patient became ill and couldn't have surgery, I was able to have surgery 10 days earlier than expected.
I had a modified radical mastectomy with lymph node dissection on the right. I was at Barnes-Jewish West County Hospital, which is a smaller hospital - primarily a surgery center, probably about 50 beds. I had a private room and very excellent nursing care. My nurses were Mary and Elaine (in pre-op), Jeff (CRNA), Linda, Vickey and Andrea (post-op). One of the nursing assistants was applying to nursing school - Nancy, was from Kenya. She was a sweetheart! My procedure was to be at 12:15 on Wednesday, but the case before me was delayed, so I didn't go in until about 2 pm. I was back in my room by 5 pm. I was able to eat supper (mac & cheese) and take a short walk that evening. Marlin stayed until about 9 pm at the hospital, but slept at a hotel.
Dr. M. made rounds about 6:30 am today, examined me and gave me instructions to go home. I was able to leave the hospital by 1 pm and we got home about 6 pm Thursday. Amazing! Remember when mastectomy patients stayed at the hospital 10-14 days? Wow! I am home with two drains coming from the surgery site, but I don't really have alot of pain.
I received a lovely basket of fall flowers from friends at Washburn before I left the hospital. Thanks to Patty and Brenda for supplying a wonderful soup and pie supper for Marlin and me. I have received several cards and calls already. I appreciate the prayers and will ask for continuing prayers over the next few months, as I face another round of treatments. Dr. M. will call next week to let me know the tumor board's recommendation for the next step.
Blessings to you all -
Love,
Ellen

No More Waiting!

2009-09-21T17:25:00.000-07:00

The surgeon's office called this afternoon. They had a cancellation and offered me the open spot - I took it - for Sept. 23 at 9:30 am. The surgery will be at Barne-Jewish West, which is on the west side of St. Louis, not downtown, as the main hospital. Marlin and I will travel Tuesday afternoon and stay at a hotel. Most likely the hospital stay will be overnight, then home on Thursday. I probably won't blog until I return home.
Keep me in your prayers and especially on Wednesday morning.
God bless my friends and family -
Love to you -
Ellen

Today's Blessings

2009-09-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

Dr. M. called me Thursday evening to share with me the tumor board's recommendations. They are recommending more surgery, chemo and probably radiation. Everything, all over again. The decision was left to me about what type of surgery to have. There is no clear cut evidence of which will improve the outcome - whether to have just the lymph node removal, or a mastectomy. Marlin and I talked and I talked with the oncologist at Pittsburg and I've decided to have the mastectomy - in the hopes it will be more curative and I won't need additional surgery. I will travel to Barnes-Jewish in St. Louis to have the surgery. I am waiting for the surgeon's office to call with the details. I am planning to work this week in Topeka.
This morning, I served communion to shut-ins of our church, then attended worship. It is what I needed. My church family lifts me up in so many ways. I cannot imagine people going through challenges like I've faced and not have the prayers and kindnesses of church family.
I am truly blessed. One of the hymns today in worship was "Make Me a Blessing" - an old hymn that I learned as a child. It's message is simple and profound. "Make me a blessing, make me a blessing, out of my life - let Jesus shine. Make me a blessing, dear lord, I pray, make me a blessing to someone today."
Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

At the throne of grace

2009-09-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis on Tuesday to see my surgeon, Dr. M. I saw her in the afternoon, then had a supreme treat of having an extra view, extra pressure mammogram along with a sonogram of my right axilla (armpit). The sonogram was to see if the questionable lymph nodes could be viewed in the hopes of accessing them for a biopsy. The super-duper mammogram was to make sure that the cancer was not a "new" cancer in my other breast. Wednesday morning I had an MRI of my right breast - again to insure that the cancer wasn't in my breast. I need to explain how adventuresome this particular MRI was. The person having a breast MRI must lie on their abdomen on the table and insert their breasts through holes in the table, with arms stretched overhead and legs straight behind. Ok, can you picture the position?? Yes, superman in flight! So it was, indeed, an adventure - lasting about 40 minutes.
The lymph node biopsy was rather uneventful, except for the fact that there were 5 people (including me) in a room about the size of a decent closet, along with the sonogram machine; one physician, a medical student, a clinical fellow (who was a female medical resident) and the nurse. The fellow, who was female, actually did the needle poking - three times into my axilla. She did give me a little lidocaine numbing medicine prior to the procedure, so I got 4 needle sticks in the armpit. I have a little bruise, but otherwise, no problems.
Dr. M. called this morning with the results and as expected, the cell type is the same as my original cancer, so most likely it is metastasis. The MRI and mammogram were both okay.
The tumor board meets next Thursday evening to review my case and recommend a plan of action. Dr. M. will call me on Friday with the update.
I have been blessed with cards, phone calls, visits, emails, and friends telling me about the addition of my name to prayer chains, circles, and lists. I am at the throne of grace, seeking His guidance and healing touch.
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Love to you -
Ellen

Extraction of Sweet Tooth

2009-09-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

My surgeon called today from St. Louis. She reviewed the PET scan with a radiologist and compared the scan to ones I'd had in St. Louis last year. This radiologist detected more spots on the latest scan than the radiologist in Pittsburg. I have an appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday, Sept. 8 in the afternoon and she plans to do a biopsy on Wednesday morning. Results from pathology will determine the next step.
I am feeling physically very well. My vegetarian diet has not been hard to maintain - although omitting sugar has been the biggest struggle. Common knowledge is that cancer loves sugar and most are encouraged to cut way back on sweets, refined sugar and flour. (Although I did not hear this from any of my physicians!) My "sweet tooth" is genetic, I'm sure, as my dad and my paternal grandmother loved sweets, too. Two of my sisters have the same affliction. To curb the craving, I have sips of grape juice - high in anti-oxidants. Emotionally, I think I'm in disbelief. I was hopeful that I'd gotten through the worst, and I may have. I do think I'll be receiving more treatment of some kind. Just have to wait - and waiting is the hardest thing to do. I lean on Jesus and pray for healing.
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand: it is I who say to you "Fear not, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
Blessings to you,
Love,
Ellen

The Battle Continues - Round 2

2009-08-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

The PET scan on August 20th revealed 4 little "hot spots" on my right side - not my original site of cancer. Dr. M believes these are four lymph nodes that are showing up now. The nodes are not in the breast or in the lung, but most likely in between muscle layers in my chest wall. Blood tests for tumor markers done the end of July also showed an elevation above normal. The PET scan has been sent to my surgeon in St. Louis and I am waiting her call - what to do next. I feel disappointed, yet thankful that tests exist to find abnormalities so small - smaller than a marble.
On the same day as the PET scan of my chest, a brain MRI was done. My brain looks good -no changes from the time of diagnosis.
I am full time teaching this fall and have good energy. I am walking 2 miles a day and eating primarily vegetarian in a concerted effort to conquer this disease. I am forever thankful for family and friends who express love and keep me in their prayers.
I remain hopeful, optimistic and comforted by faith.
Love to you -
Ellen

Faith, Hope and Love

2009-07-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today was my last Herceptin (chemo) injection. Sixteen months from diagnosis to completing treatment. I am so thankful for all the prayers and kindnesses extended to me during the last 16 months. I know the path was made easier for me due to support from church, family and friends.
I will have scans and follow-up tests August 20th and a three-month check up in October. My prayers have been answered and I am so very thankful.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13Blessings to you !!
Love,
Ellen

Pink Luncheon

2009-07-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

On July 9, I attended the Horizon of Hope Pink Luncheon, hosted by Tami Longaberger, CEO and owner of Longaberger Basket Company in Ohio. The luncheon is held in honor of breast cancer survivors who are nominated by basket consultants all across the U.S. My sister, Carol, nominated me and I was selected to attend. (The lunch is free, I paid for travel.) About 170 women attended the lunch which was held in Tami's home, Eschman Meadows. The mansion is beautiful! One entire end of the house is a great hall, elegantly furnished, that functions as a meeting place for a variety of Longaberger events. The attendees gathered at the Longaberger Homestead, near Dresdin, and were carried by bus to the mansion. Several employees served as hostesses and guides once we arrived. The room was decorated in a spring theme, with eggs and birdhouses as centerpieces and, of course, pink tablecloths and napkins. Naturally, all the tableware was Longaberger. The Longaberger company has partnered with the American Cancer Society since 1995 to support breast cancer research. Two dollars from the sale of each Horizon of Hope basket goes to the ACS - which has raised about $14 million since 1995. Following the lunch, Tami provided an opportunity for each of the guests to speak to her, have a photo taken and get a basket authographed. This signature tradition is central to Longaberger's business philosophy - that each worker is proud of the work (really artistry) and signs the basket. The Longaberger logo, the basketweaver's initials and the date guarantee that the basket is genuine -hand made in the U.S.A.
Carol and I spent the rest of Thursday and Friday shopping at the Homestead and in Dresdin. It was really fun to stay in a B & B that was once Dave Longaberger's home (founder of the company). I also made some incredible friends - sisters, really, that share a similar story to me.
I will complete treatment on Monday, July 27. Dr. M. will schedule scans at the end of August to establish a new "normal" for me. I have been feeling very good and have experienced less foot problems in the last few weeks.
Marlin and I are planning a long weekend trip to San Antonio, Texas, at the end of July, to see my sister, Nora, who is hosting our sibling reunion this year.
I am continually blessed by the people in my life. I continue to covet your prayers and praise God for healing and health.
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28
Love to you -
Ellen

Pink Door Boutique

2009-06-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

I had a really good day on Tuesday. I got new lingerie, a new boob and had a great lunch with some friends. I have not found a comfortable bra since my surgery. Let's face it, bras are uncomfortable when one has two breasts - try fitting a bra for one breast and a wanna be breast. I found out about a store in Joplin, Missouri, that provides all kinds of products to women with 'special' needs - from maternity to mastectomy. The shop was really cute, with the clerks dressed in bright pink scrubs, and the range of products was phenomenal. If you are gift shopping for feminine gifts, I would recommend this store. It's in the Freeman's Women's Center on 32nd Street, just west of Freeman Hospital.
The bra fitter, Lisa, measured me and showed me over 40 different styles. She provided some good advice and I was able to find three different bras that fit. I also got a new lighter-weight and more realistic prosthesis (fake boob). Lisa was very helpful and I felt pampered. The customer service was great.
My friends and I went to Sandstone Gardens and shopped and ate a delicious lunch. I had never been to the gardens (really a huge garden/home interior store). It was overwhelming the amount of merchandise under one roof! It was fun shopping and NOT buying! Mostly, it was great being with my friends Faith and Bobbi.
I am feeling good - only 6 more Herceptin injections - 6 more weeks of treatment. Thank you for the prayers and support. Blessings to you -
Love to you -
Ellen

Another test passed with flying colors!

2009-06-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

Today was a treatment day and a check-up day. All went well. Last Thursday, I had another MUGA scan to check my heart, remember the Herceptin is potentially damaging to the heart. Essentially, the scan showed no change from the last scan done in February. The heart ejection fraction was calculated at 57% (56% in February) - a normal finding. Blood tests were okay, to0. I have about 8 more weeks of Herceptin, then a bunch of scans and tests to create a new "normal" for me. These scans will be used to compare to future ones.
I have been feeling well. The school semester ended in mid-May with much activity. I am teaching in June online and will be in Topeka a few days this month to complete annual reports. I am trying hard to increase my physical activity, which I know will make me feel better, too.
My sister, Carol, nominated me for the Longaberger "Pink Luncheon" which honors breast cancer survivors. The luncheon is held at the home of Tami Longaberger, an owner of the company. It is in July, so Carol and I will make a trip to Dresdin, Ohio. I am very honored to be one of the selected attendees. I'll post pictures on a future blog. Oh, we are supposed to wear pink - do you think that will be an issue for me??? ha! Sounds like a good excuse to shop.
Hope your summer is going well - take time to enjoy the heat.
I am thankful for Natalie, one of my students, who honored me with a luminery at the Shawnee County Relay for Life. Prayers and positive thoughts keep me going - my prayer for you -
Lord Jesus,
You showed your love and compassion by the many miracles of healing that You worked.
I know that you care for and watch over all who are sick and who suffer so terribly.
Help them, dear Jesus, to feel your healing love.
Console those for whom a physical cure is not forthcoming.
Strengthen their faith and the faith of those who care for them.
Lord, help me, too, so that I will be strong of faith as well. Amen.

Blessings to you -
Ellen

My Famous Sister!

2009-05-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

Here is my sister, Luanne with Bobby and Jamie Deen at the famous restaurant, Lady and Sons, in Savannah, Georgia.

Love you, Lu!

Ellen

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

2009-05-05T15:24:00.000-07:00

How fast the spring season has come! Since my birthday, my life has been a whirlwind. I was fortunate to be able to travel to a nursing meeting in Hilton Head Island (it was a sacrifice, but I muddled through) for four days with a colleague from Washburn. The weather was very windy (and I'm not in Kansas anymore!) and cool. I did get to walk on the beach one day and did some shopping one afternoon. The best part was the yummy seafood. Since I flew into Savannah, I couldn't miss the opportunity to go to "Lady and Sons" - Paula Deen's restaurant! I had fried green tomatoes, collard greens and the most delicious chococlate cake ever! I didn't see Paula or her sons, but enjoyed the outing nevertheless. My sister, Luanne, ate there last week and got her photo taken with the boys! -darn!
Easter Sunday, I was happy to host a meal with my family and in-laws. It is always a fun time with my children around. I am so glad that my two kids like each other. There love for me and each other is a continuing blessing in my life.
Next week is final exam week and I am deep into grading papers. My very smart daughter tells me I shouldn't assign those papers if I didn't want to grade them, hummmm.
The end of April, I traveled to Canyon, Texas for a nursing school "inspection". I got to see the second largest canyon in the U.S. - beautiful in the late afternoon, full of color, just awesome. I also drove by "the Big Texan" restaurant, where if you eat the 72 ounce steak, you eat free. I wasn't that hungry.
I am feeling good. My feet still bother me and get sore when I have to stand for long periods, or walk alot. I am shoe shopping - for comfort, not style. I completed #40 Herceptin injection on Monday - only 12 more to go! I continue to covet your prayers and know that God is alive in me -
By this I know that thou favorest me, because mine enemy (cancer) doth not triumph over me. Psalm 41:11
Blessings to you!
Love -
Ellen

Happy Birthday!

2009-03-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

I am 53 today. I have been blessed with family and friends sending greetings and gifts. I am truly appreciative of all the kindnesses extended to me. I continue to thank God for healing and pray that I may be His servant for many years to come.
Walk in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well with you. Jeremiah 7:23
Love to you -
Ellen

Which Anniversary??

2009-03-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

I have passed the anniversary date of the breast cancer diagnosis - March 10, 2008 - and I am approaching the anniversary date of the mastectomy - April 10 - so I am "in between" as I write this entry. However, I am not "in between" in my recovery. I am doing so well.
Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis Tuesday for my "annual" checkup with the surgeon who did the mastectomy, Dr. M. I also got my first one-sided (!!!) mammogram. I was very surprised and pleased to find out that the radiologist reviews the mammogram and sends a report immediately to the surgeon. I waited about 25 minutes for the results - not hours, not days - minutes. Amazing! Dr. M. reviewed the results with me and Marlin - all clear. She also examined me and was very pleased with the healing of the incision. She discussed removing my port, when I no longer need it (still getting Herceptin weekly) and otherwise, I could return in a year for follow up. Very good report.
I give God praise and honor for bringing me through this year. I recently received an email from a friend with the poem about valleys of life bringing us closer to Him. I have had a deep valley this year! I have leaned on Jesus and heard his whisper so many times - just when I needed it. I am thankful for family, friends and prayers that have helped me through this valley.
When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul. Psalm 94:19
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. James 5:13
Happy Anniversary to me!

Love to you -
Ellen

February 1

2009-02-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

January flew by and I neglected my blog! So sorry. I am back to work in Topeka full time this semester and teaching new classes, so more class prep for me! I also moved to a very small efficiency apartment, as my niece, Dana, moved to warmer climates, so I had to find another Topeka residence. My family helped with the move last Sunday, January 25 - on the coldest and windiest winter day, yet! What a wonderful supportive family I have! I am so blessed! My apartment is close to campus, but not so close I can walk - well, maybe if I were in better shape. It's about 2 miles.
I am feeling good. I get tired by the end of a long day and I know I need to increase my exercise to increase my stamina. I am getting Herceptin every Monday morning in Pittsburg and will continue this until July. The drug is given through my port and takes about 30 minutes. I don't take any pre-meds, so I don't get drowsy and can drive myself without any difficulties. Most weeks I am in Topeka Tuesday through Friday, however, a few Mondays, I teach in the afternoon, so have to get on the road quickly after my treatment is completed about 9:30 am.
My hair is back - about 1 inch long - and I've colored it. After chemo, most people have a change in hair texture or color. My hair didn't change texture - still pretty thin/fine - but WOW did it change color - GRAY!!!!! YUK - so I took my favorite red wig into the hair dresser and told her to "match it" - she did a great job and it looks pretty good. My hair has grown out and I go for a touch up next week.
So I hope you get to see the "new me" soon. I covet your prayers as I continue my healing journey!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
Love to you!
Ellen

Good-bye 2008

2008-12-31T15:17:00.000-08:00

In just a few hours, 2008 will be history. This year has provided challenges - a diagnosis of breast cancer and the death of my mother. I have experienced a range of emotions including disbelief, sadness, humility, frustration, advocacy, love, and gratefulness. I have grown spiritually and deepened my faith in God. I am forever thankful for my family, friends and colleagues who have shared so much of themselves to support me in 2008. The acts of kindness, cards, phone calls, suppers, and prayers are deeply appreciated. The celebrations of my healing are heartfelt.
I have completed most of my treatment for cancer, although I will continue receiving Herceptin weekly until July, in Pittsburg. I covet your continued prayers.
I hope you have a great new year - I am expecting 2009 to be soooooo much better!
So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:18
Happy New Year!
Love to you -
Ellen

A Very Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T14:59:00.000-08:00

I am home. Radiation treatment is over. Dr. Zoberi reports that the CT scans of my chest and neck are unremarkable. Good news! I feel good, although I know my energy level isnt' up to my standard. The skin on my chest is tight and itchy and red - like a sunburn. Dr. Z. says it will get worse before it gets better and provided a prescription cream that I apply 4 times daily.
I was blessed with good traveling weather. It was raining in St. Louis this morning, but 40 degrees. By the time I got home, the temperature had dropped to the 20's, but dry. Our children will be home tonight, Aaron and Lindsay will arrive about 7:30. Grant, Tosha and I will attend candlelight services at 6:30. For me, it just wouldn't be Christmas without Christmas eve service. I have attended since birth, I think. I remember the country church I attended while growing up and my parents, who I miss especially at Christmas. I am thankful for my siblings and my family and wish them the best Christmas. It will be a very Merry Christmas for me.
For unto us a child is born, . . . And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace, there will be no end. Isaiah 9: 6-7.
God Bless you and yours.
Love to you -
Ellen

Three, Two, One

2008-12-20T16:56:00.000-08:00

Just three more radiation treatments in St. Louis! My last treatment will be Christmas eve at 8 am - so I'll be driving home by 9 am! I have been pleased with the care provided by my doctor and all the technicians at the Siteman Cancer Center. The primary side effect from radiation that I have experienced is skin changes. My left chest looks like its been to the Bahamas - sunburned! It is getting to be uncomfortable and tender.
This weekend I purchased groceries for Christmas weekend meals and did some other preparations. I am playing in the church's bell choir on Sunday and providing the "children's chat" for services. Saturday night, Marlin and I are attending a birthday party for a friend.
I am grateful for all the notes, cards, packages - but especially the prayers that I have received during my St. Louis stay. I have the very best family and friends.
God bless you during this special Christmas time.
Delight yourself also in the Lord; and he shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Love to you -
Ellen

Staying Positive

2008-12-14T06:54:00.000-08:00

I was fortunate to have my sister, Luanne, come to St. Louis and stay with me for a few days this week. She was a blessing, as I was sick during the night on Tuesday night. I think I caught a little virus or ate something that didn't agree with me - anyway, she fetched me a cool drink and ice to sooth my throat after I lost my supper. The next day I told Lindsay about my brief and severe illness during the night. Her positive statement - "Well, at least Aunt Lu didn't have to hold your hair!" True. No hair to hold away from my face as I direct it into the toilet! Oh, my.
I am amazed at the return of my hair. My eyebrows and eyelashes have grown quite a bit over the last 5 weeks. I can now wear mascara! My hair (on my head) is growing and coming in rather gray - oh, well, the color will be changed. I've had to shave my legs twice in the last three weeks. Okay, how come that hair can't be growing out of my head? Marlin tells me he wonders the same thing!
During these last few months, I have been reading numerous books. I would recommend a book to you, The Shack, by Young. Although it is a work of fiction, it provides an opportunity to evaluate one's view of and relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It is a marvelous story and you'll either read the book really fast to see how it ends, or read it slowly to savor the story. I chose to read it fast - with the plan of reading it a second, maybe third time. Keep a box of kleenex handy! You can find The Shack in any bookstore on the bestseller table.
Only eight days of radiation treatment left. I have some skin changes in the radiation area, feels tight and it has a sunburned appearance. I have specific moisturizing cream to apply several times a day and use cornstarch powder to ease the itching. My last treatment will be at 8:00 am on December 24th.
I have so appreciated the cards, letters, notes, prayers and positive thoughts during my stay at the Hope Lodge. I am wildly blessed in my life and I thank God for it all!
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." I Corinthians 2:9
Love to you -
Ellen

Half-Baked

2008-12-05T21:02:00.000-08:00

Today I completed number 20 of 38 radiation treatments, so I guess I've passed the halfway point of radiation. So far I've had no adverse reactions. The skin over my left chest area is getting a little color - pink - but I've had no skin soreness and no fatigue, which is the most common reaction. I am resting alot, however.
I have met several people at Hope Lodge and I am reminded by each story of how blessed I am. So many are suffering with cancer and it's "cure". Several have no family support, are unable to work and face tremendous hardships. This week the St. Louis paper featured a story about "Secret Santa" who was distributing $10,000 to strangers in $100 bills. I remember reading about Mr. Stanley in Kansas City that did this for several years in the KC area. One of the residents of the Hope Lodge was a recipient of one of the $100 bills. Debbie has pancreatic cancer and Lee is her sister-in-law and caregiver. Debbie has lost alot of weight due to her illness and most of her clothes did not fit. Lee was in a neighborhood thrift store searching for clothing that would fit Debbie. Secret Santa was at the store, approached Lee and asked her why she was shopping. Upon hearing the story, he promptly awarded Lee $100 bill with "Secret Santa" stamped in red ink on the back. Lee was overcome with tears of joy. She had never heard of this and was happy beyond belief. She praised God for the gift and shared that the money would be used to purchase medication and pay Debbie's electricity bill this month. Lee is a pastor's wife and Debbie is the pastor's sister. Both were truly thankful for God's intervention - giving Him all the credit for supplying this gift.
On Thursday evening the St. Louis University swim team came to Hope Lodge and baked Christmas cookies for us. One of the students was a nursing major and so we had a long chat!
I am home this weekend and planning to tour the Historic Fort (Ft. Scott) with a group from our church and have dinner at Chicken Annie's on Saturday night. I have Christmas cards ready to mail and just a very few presents left to buy. I have been grading papers and getting classes completed as the end of semester fast approaches.
I will share a quote sent to me by my pastor, Doug.
"Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is."
Stay warm -
Love to you -
Ellen

Marching along

2008-11-24T06:20:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in the chair getting weekly Herceptin injection through my port. I completed radiation treatment # 11 on Sunday. The cancer center did radiation on Sunday for those requesting, so that we can have 4 days for Thanksgiving. I jumped at the chance to get the treatment regime completed earlier. In talking to the radiation oncologist, Dr. Zoberi, he explained I would have 28 treatments - which in my calculation would be done on Christmas eve. When I started last week, the radiation technician gave me a calendar with my schedule and I was scheduled until January 7th. I was confused. When I talked to Dr. Z. on Tuesday, he explained that the last 7-10 treatments were "boost" treatments to irradiate the internal mammary nodes, which would be a smaller area in my chest. However, the boost treatments could be scheduled with my other treatments, with the primary larger area treatment in the morning and the boost in the afternoon. So Dr Z arranged this for me and on Tuesday and Thursday I will get two treatments. Hopefully, I will be completed by Christmas eve.
The Hope Lodge accommodations are clean and simplisitc. Everyone must do their own laundry, includeing towels and bedsheets that are provided. We also are to keep the rooms clean. No housekeeping staff. The kitchen facilities are very good with four complete cooking stations. Each resident has a locker to keep dry foods in and a bin with our room number on it to put foods in the industrial-sized refrigerator. There is a family room with TV on each floor (3) and a large TV room near the kitchen area. There is gated parking by the Lodge and parking is free, too. The Lodge has about 50 rooms and last Thursday night it was full. Today, it's about 1/2 full. Most residents will go home for Thanksgiving. Today and tomorrow a local radio station is broadcasting from the Lodge all day having a radio-thon as a fund raiser for the Lodge. I read in the promotion materials that it costs $1000 to keep the home open for one day. Several community/church groups are making meals for all the residents of the Lodge. Last week a St. Louis Univerity Relay for Life team provided a turkey dinner for everyone.
My sister Carol was here from Tuesday to Sunday. She flew in and I found the airport without any difficulty. We did try to do one fun thing a day while she was here, so we saw the Catholic Bascilica (built in 1907) with 42 million mosaic pieces in the ceiling; the botanical gardens, historic St. Charles, Hermann wineries, Missouri History Museum, Clayton Row (antique shops).
I have been reading a lot- I am reading the Barbara Bush biography - interesting in the light of the current political climate. I have papers to grade and return - all through the wonders of the web- and I am completing an Advanced Pharmacology class.
I look forward to the holiday and being home for a few days. Lindsay and Aaron will travel with us on the day to Marlin's brother and sister in law who live on Grand Lake. I hope Lindsay will help me put up the Christmas tree and decorate a little.
I am grateful for the mail I have gotten while in St. Louis and know that the many prayers said are helping me cope.
Blessings to your family -
Love to you, Ellen

In preparation -

2008-11-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

After waiting for over a week for the doctor to call, the radiation plan is complete and I will begin daily treatments on Tuesday, November 11. I will stay at Hope Lodge, 4215 Lindell, St. Louis, Mo. 63108. The Hope Lodge is sponsored by the American Cancer Society and I can stay free during my treatments. I will have weekly Herceptin (IV medicine) on Monday mornings and appointments for tests and other medical specialists while I am there. I will be able to come home on weekends, but may not come home until Thanksgiving when I have 4 days off. My sister, Carol, who lives in Montana, is planning to stay with me Nov. 18-23, and my sister, Luanne (from Chicago) plans to spend a few days with me in December.
I have several projects to complete and will use time in preparation for next semester classes. I am grateful for the faculty at Washburn who are covering classes for me during my leave from work. They are a special group of women and I am so fortunate to call them my friends.
Enjoy the weekend and the beautiful fall weather.
Love to you -
Ellen

Getting Rest

2008-11-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

As I await radiation therapy in St. Louis, I am taking time to rest, really rest. Dr. Mathew asked me how much rest I was getting, as I told him about my frequent insomnia. I thought it was funny asking about "rest" when I couldn't sleep well. Dr. M. suggested a 4 pm rest - without distractions and in bed - not in the recliner in front of the TV. I have been doing better about resting and I am sleeping better, too. I have included a walk in my daily routine that had been absent for several months. My energy level is improving and I know the exercise helps me sleep better, too.
My devotions continue to speak to me.
Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Thank you for your prayers as I continue on this healing journey.
Love to you -
Ellen

His Grace is all I need

2008-10-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of decision making and un-making decisions. Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis to consult with a radiation oncologist and follow up with my surgeon (6 month check up). I wanted the specialists at Barnes-Jewish Hospital to review my case again, since the chemotherapy is essentially complete. The recommendation from the radiation doctors was to do a special type of radiation called intensity modulated radiation therapy (IMRT) because it would be less damaging to my heart. Since my cancer was on the left side and I also received Adriamycin (chemo drug) which damages the heart, the physicians believed that conventional radiation therapy would not be safe for my heart. They did explain how radiation therapy would be done in Pittsburg, should I decide to have radiation locally. After their consultation, I was comfortable with having radiation therapy done in Pittsburg, since many women in America receive "conventional" radiation therapy without problems.
I had a followup visit with Dr. M, the surgeon, that went very well - return in another 6 months.
Thursday, I went to Pittsburg for an appointment with the radiation doctor at Mt. Carmel. He had changed the radiation treatment plan from what was explained to me by the doctors in St. Louis. Dr. J. was very re-assuring that what he planned was appropriate and would be safer for my heart. The plan he proported omitted radiation of my breast bone area - where the internal mammary glands are. The physicians in St. Louis were very adamant that the internal mammary glands be radiated. I was very confused, now, with the differing plans. I was doubtful, but agreed to have a first treatment.
Today, I consulted for the first time with Dr. Mathew, a medical oncologist. He is the doctor to replace the first medical oncologist I had (Dr. River). Dr. M. was very helpful. Marlin and I knew he had spent time reviewing my case, as he asked very pointed questions and discussed the radiation treatment with me. He was concerned that Dr. J. was not including the internal mammary glands in the radiation field and telephoned him, personally, to advocate for me. Dr. J. refused to change the plan. After much discussion of options with Dr. Mathew, Marlin and I agreed that the best option for me - with the very best chance of success - is for me to go to St. Louis for radiation treatment. I would have to stay in St. Louis for daily treatments for about 7 weeks.
I have been praying for wisdom in decision making. I have been praying for God's guidance for my physicians. I believe God has provided the path for me to continue my treatment. My devotions the last week have been chapters in Matthew of Jesus' healing (Chapters 8 and 9). By God's grace, he has provided guidance to me.
Keep me in your prayers -
Love to all -
Ellen

Praise the Lord!

2008-10-13T14:09:00.000-07:00

PET scan results were very good!!! No spots of "activity" were revealed -- the chemo worked! I am filled with thanksgiving and praise!
I will continue treatment with radiation, but this news certainly influences the course of the therapy. I am so grateful for the blessings of God and your prayers.
Keep them up!
Thank the Lord because he is good. His love continues forever. Psalm 107:1
So let us be thankful, because we have a kingdom that cannot be shaken. Hebrews 12:28
Praise the Lord! My whole being, praise the Lord. I will sing praises to my God as long as I live. Psalm 146:1-2
Praise the Lord! and Love to You!
Ellen

Fight or Flight

2008-10-11T17:17:00.000-07:00

Stress and fear can create a response in the body that is called "fight or flight". The body gears up to run away from the enemy or to fight the enemy. I have been fighting this week. (Theme from Rocky begins to play.)
After my initial consultation with the radiation doctor in Pittsburg, I was very upset. He dismissed the recommendations from the physicians at Barnes-Jewish, stating his protocol was indicated and that "my insurance wouldn't pay for it anyway" (talking about Barnes' recommendations). I was so mad at this remark, that I quit asking questions and "turned off" anything else he told me. He did schedule me for a PET scan to evaluate the effectiveness of the chemotherapy for Thursday, but I won't know the results until next week.
BYW, I did call my insurance company and the representative told me there was a way for my case to be reviewed and they would consider payment, if deemed necessary.
I called the oncologist in St. Louis, Dr. Bose, and asked him to talk to the radiation doctor in Pittsburg. He returned my call Friday and told me he was scheduling me to have a consultation with a radiation oncologist in St. Louis at the time I see my surgeon for follow up - Oct. 21. I was comforted by the fact that another doctor will be reviewing my case.
Anyway, I have been fighting this week. I am aware that people with little knowledge of the medical system, how to navigate the system, or have no advocate, are at the mercy of the doctors and "the insurance companies".
Through all this, I have asked myself and asked God "why?". Not "why did I get the disease?", but "why did You give me this experience?" and "what will be the purpose?"
I have to believe that there is some reason. Perhaps I will be more of an advocate for others. I will need to listen more closely to God's voice.
I want to thank Lori for her caring card during my low time last week, with encouraging scripture written in -
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Continue your prayers -
Love to all -
Ellen

Nothing to Fear

2008-10-05T18:38:00.001-07:00

It's true. Fear had a choke-hold on me the last few days. The frustration with the doctors, radiation treatment, and ending chemo piled up on me and I was frozen. I have been praying more fervently and asking God for His healing touch and His direction in the decisions that face me with this disease treatment. It is overwhelming . . . then, God provided peace in my devotion last night.
God is our refuge and strength always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! Psalm 46:1-3
Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I have the last of 12 doses of Taxol and Herceptin tomorrow and have a PET scan on Thursday. I need your prayers this week to boost my courage. I feel your prayers have lifted me throughout this journey.
Love to you-
Ellen

No guarantees

2008-09-30T17:43:00.000-07:00

Number 11 round of Taxol and Herceptin on Monday. I saw Dr. River, too, for a last consult before he leaves to practice in Tulsa. I have been avoiding making any decision about "who will be my doctor", waiting for an answer from God that crashes on the ground in front of me. I haven't been doing my part - no prayer asking for answers - so why should I expect God to answer something I haven't asked for. I have been struggling with staying at Mt. Carmel Cancer Center - with no choice of physician - and I REALLY don't like the only available physician - or should I make a change to another physician/cancer service, now as chemo is completed (next week, number 12) and before radiation begins. I will see the radiation doctor Oct. 1.
I have been struggling over the weekend and into Monday with my diagnosis - I had another hit of reality - Stage III breast cancer, 67% five year survival rate. Hard reality. Cruel reality. Grief, sadness, despair. . . . . .
Psalms 91
Psalms 22
Prayer
Sleep
Sunlight and work.
Today is better. I have realized that no one has a guanantee on life. I don't know why I suddenly understand this - I've even said it aloud to others, unknowingly and without insight. All I can say is "it is different, when it is me". I feel better today, more secure and peaceful. I will trust God for tomorrow and live today the life He wants me to live. My prayers will be more earnest. My heart will be more open. My days filled with more sincerity.
So what about my doctor??? - well, I took some long-ago received advice and called Dr. Bobar Mathew in Pittsburg. He is a physician that works for Freeman Hospital (Joplin),and was at Mt. Carmel for many years. His office is in Pittsburg, however. He has a great reputation. I called his office and asked to talk to one of his nurses - not asking for a specific name - and the receptionist forwarded my call to Cindy Masters. I know her and she knows me. (wow, is God at work??) She is arranging for my consultation. Soooo easy. A door opened, A prayer answered.
Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13.
Love you all -
Ellen

TGIF

2008-09-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

I have been fortunate to have avoided most of the side effects of chemotherapy. Most people loose weight, and I think I've gained weight! However, the last couple of weeks I have been experiencing numbness and tingling in the bottom of my feet that is a side effect of the drug Taxol. It's a fairly common side effect. It's difficult for me to walk barefoot, but with shoes on, no one could tell I was having any problems. It's annoying and supposed to disappear after the drug is out of my system. Only two more chemo treatments! Yippee!!
I will be traveling to Wichita next week to attend the nurses state convention. I am planning to stay with Aaron and Lindsay and probably stay Friday night to extend my visit. They will be home in Girard this weekend to attend a wedding.
I have been in Topeka most of this week (except for Monday - chemo day) because the school has had state and national "inspection". It is stressful and will be over today, thankfully. I am glad it's Friday and I can be home soon.
Have a great weekend -
Love to you,
Ellen

Number 10 on Monday

2008-09-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

Taxol/Herceptin #10 will be Monday, September 22 and the last treatment will be October 6th - I can hardly believe it. I will then receive daily radiation, but I am unsure when that will start. I see the radiation doctor on October 1 and will know more then. The Cancer Center nurses told me that usually radiation is started about 3 weeks after chemo ends, which would then be October 27th.
I will see the surgeon at Barnes-Jewish in St. Louis on October 21st for a follow-up.
I am wondering if the doctors will do any scans to see if the chemo worked - it would seem like a logical time to have a scan, but when I asked Dr. River about it, he seemed to think we should wait until at least 5 weeks after chemo.
I still don't know who my physician will be at Mt. Carmel when Dr. River leaves the first of October. I think I should get some kind of notice, that hasn't happened. I am concerned, yet I have decided to 'let go and let God' on this - I can go back to St. Louis, if needed, for follow up care.
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress:my God, in him I will trust. Psalm 91:2
Love to all -
Ellen

Another 1 in 8

2008-09-14T18:22:00.000-07:00

This week I learned of a woman at my church who has breast cancer, another one of eight women who will get this disease. I saw her today at church and spoke to her about her concerns. She is most fearful of the chemotherapy since the drugs are damaging to the heart, and especially since she has heart problems and is diabetic. She has scans this week and surgery the next week. Her diagnosis is affirmation that I can provide comfort to her through her journey.
I am feeling more like myself today, more energy after my trip. Still, I think I'll go to bed early. Chemo tomorrow.
Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
Love to you,
Ellen

Back from N. Ireland!

2008-09-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

Here is a preview - I took 97 photos during my trip!
I am with my friend, Cindy (and the Dean of Washburn SON), at a traditional irish pub - just ate fish and chips for lunch. Another photo is from Ulster Folk Museum (Ireland circa 1900) in a protestant church, and three from the seacoast. The weather was cooler and it rained one day. However, it didn't interfere with shopping in downtown Belfast.

I left Belfast Tuesday morning at 11:20 am and got back to Girard at 4:00 am Wednesday morning. It is a long trip, yes, but I spent 7.5 hours at Newark airport - a victim of delays due to weather, lack of flight crew and then mechanical problems with the plane! The 4 pm flight to KC was cancelled, I was bumped to the 9 pm flight, which left at 11:30 pm! I did survive - and slept through chemo on Wednesday morning. Still no side effects from these treatments. I have been so blessed. I am more tired this week, but I am surely jet lagged a bit.
Fitting, my devotion last night was about joy - read Habakkuk 3:17-18. I will be joyful in the God of my salvation.
Take time to enjoy the fall weather - it's raining here today. A good day to rest and stay cozy in the house.
Love to you -
Ellen

Comfort and Joy!

2008-09-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

No it's not Christmas. My devotion last evening included 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7. To paraphrase, "God gives us comfort and we must pass it on to others in need of comfort". This truly spoke to me, as I have experienced great comfort during my diagnosis and treatment that I believe is God sent. And now, I am keenly aware of family and friends in need of comfort. Although I cannot be there physically, I am near in heart. I am sending you God's comfort!
I am preparing (joy!) for my trip today. Packing for a cooler climate and looking forward to seeing the green of Ireland. I will post some photos when I return.
Keep me in your prayers and I continue on my journey -
Love to all,
Ellen

Walk and Not Faint

2008-08-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

I completed round 6 of Taxol/Herceptin today without problems. Again, the nurses and my doctor find it remarkable that I have had so little side effects from these medicines. I know my friends and family lift me up each day in prayer and I have all faith that God supplies these miracles.
I am starting the third week of teaching at Washburn and have a great group of students in my classes. I have already had a "consultation" with a student whose wife was diagnosed with breast cancer just a few weeks ago. I also have a colleague that I am praying for as she begins cancer treatment. I am hopeful that I can share my experience and help others, as I have been supported and guided by friends and family who have been diagnosed and victorious in their recovery. I am thankful today for Dr. River (I know, can you believe I am saying this - he was my nemesis). He and one of the cancer center nurses are giving me my treatment on Labor day so that I can take a trip to Belfast, Northern Ireland! I am fortunate to be able to travel to Belfast due to my work with the international student exchange program at Washburn. The dean at Queen's University is retiring and having a celebration - one reason for the trip. I am staying for a week and hope to do some fun things around the "meet and greets" with faculty from around the world that will be invited to the event. I leave September 2 and return the 9th. I am looking forward to traveling.
Here's the lessson for today if planning to fly- if you've had a mastectomy, you should get a sleeve (a tight fitting pressure garment) to wear on the affected arm to prevent lymphedema (swelling) in that arm. The altitude and pressure changes from flying could initiate the swelling, which is difficult to treat, easier to prevent. Few nurses know this and some physicians don't know this. My nurse at Barnes-Jewish told me when she instructed me about lymphedema prevention, as she knew I traveled some for my job.
I hope you are enjoying the fine August weather and taking time to walk with the Lord.
But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Love to you,
Ellen

Enjoy the day!

2008-08-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

Round 4 went smoothly. I have been feeling well and began work at Washburn on Tuesday. Classes start Monday the 18th. I have been fortunate to have very little effects from these medications, however, I witnessed a bad reaction on Monday during my treatment. The woman next to me experienced some chest pain and the crash cart arrived pronto with a flurry of staff. She was receiving the same drugs I take and had a bad reaction. I am thankful for vigilant nurses who provide care to me. My driver this week was DeMaris. She stayed with me and I appreciated the support. We discussed the books we were reading.
Washburn has selected a book for all to read "Three Cups of Tea" - it is an inspirational book about an American who builds schools for girls in Afghanistan. It's a good read.
Enjoy the day!
Love, Ellen

A time to prepare . . . .

2008-08-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

The third treatment with Taxol and Herceptin was uneventful. My friend, Carolyn, was my driver this week. Thanks, Carolyn! The time in the "chemo chair" goes by more quickly once the medication is going, but Monday the "getting ready" part took more time. The nurses were busy and I had to wait about 45 minutes before they could get me started. I am prepared to wait, as I always have a bag of goodies with me - books, iPod, scripture cards. I have read so much this summer - wonderful mysteries and inspirational books. I viewed the YouTube of Dr. Randy Pausch and read his book "The Last Lecture". Inspirational and not sappy - excellent quick read and a very touching story. The book would make a great gift for anyone you care about.
I am preparing to go back to Washburn. August 18th is the first day of class. I signed a contract for full time teaching - 9 month contract. With my treatments this fall, the Dean has designed a flexible schedule for me. I'll be in Topeka three days a week in the fall and probably 4 days a week in the spring semester. I am staying with my niece, Dana, who lives about 1 mile from campus. She has a nice 2 bedroom apartment and I have my own bedroom/bath. Very cozy and I think I make a pretty good roomy - I know Dana is a good roommate. We have had alot of fun together decorating her apartment and doing "girl stuff". We saw "Mamma Mia" last week while I was in Topeka.
My doctor cautions me to stay away from crowds to prevent catching an infection. I am back to church. I have been "in the public" and have been very careful, and I receive so much from attending worship. I know it's the best thing for me.
My family continues to bless me with phone calls and cards. I know my road to recovery is smoother because you've been there to pray for me. I am filled with gratitude and know healing comes from God via your prayers.
Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
Love to you -
Ellen

Smooth Sailing - I'm Not in Control!

2008-07-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

I sailed through the first doses of Herceptin and Taxol. Some people experience allergic reactions to both of these medications, but I didn't feel a thing. The nurse gave them slow this time, so it took from about 9:30 am to 1:30 pm today to finish. I was fortunate to have my friend (and nurse practitioner) Cheryl take me and pick me up today. A big Thank YOU! I am so grateful to have friends and family to drive me to Pittsburg for my treatments. I know that some patients drive themselves, but I feel a little "hazy" after my treatments and I would fear I might be unsafe driving the 20 miles home.
I got a big dose of "I'm not in control" today. In the plan to receive the Taxol and Herceptin, Friday was going to be "the day" for 12 weeks. So I planned the next 12 weeks (and school starts in 5) schedule around Friday as my chemo day - well!!! Now that treatments were postponed until Monday (today), I have 12 weeks of Mondays to reschedule!!! I was really mad at first - I might have waited to start the medicines this Friday, to keep on MY schedule. I was really mad at myself for not asking the question about keeping Friday, but I assumed (yes, I know - ass-u-me). Oh, well. Killing this disease is my number one priority and I just needed a healthy dose of "you're not in control". God wants me to go on Mondays and I have to be open to the reason, after all - he planned my life a long time ago and He keeps a date book!
You made my whole being; you formed me in my mother's womb. I praise You because You made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What You have done is wonderful. I know this very well. You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother's body. When I was put together there, You saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old. Psalm 139:13-16
Love, Ellen

Bump in the Road

2008-07-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

I was to get the first dose of Taxol and Herceptin today, however, the cancer center was very short staffed and they postponed treatment until Monday. I was disappointed, but grateful that they are thinking of my safety, rather than my schedule. Another bump today was that my oncologist told me he had resigned from the cancer center and that he wouldn't be with me to complete my treatment. Oh, what to do? Marlin and I talked about possible options - change doctors now, wait and see who might replace him, go to another cancer center? I'm asking for prayers again - no decision has to be made immediately, so pray and wait for an answer.
I am feeling good. Last week my white cell count was very low again and I took another Neulasta injection - makes my bones hurt, so quite a bit of pain last weekend. However, I bounce back pretty good and have been busy around the house and working on the computer doing Washburn projects.
Marlin, Grant and I are going to Wichita for a short weekend to see Lindsay and Aaron - this will be the extent of our vacation trips this summer. We haven't been to Wichita for several months, since Lindsay and Aaron were making the trip to Girard about every weekend after my diagnosis. We are going to "the body" exhibit downtown - so it will be fun and educational for me and - no doubt - boring for my family.
Keep me in your prayers in this "bump" of treatment.
Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:3-4.
Lord, give me patience!
Love, Ellen

Error in email address

2008-07-04T19:05:00.001-07:00

Okay, my sister's email address is incorrect in the post below -
it's cmarie620@yahoo.com.
Sorry -
Ellen

Progress

2008-07-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

I had my last Adriamycin & Cytoxan chemo on July 3! I will begin Taxol and Herceptin on July 18th, as long as my blood counts are good. I will get these drugs every Friday for 12 weeks. My latest MUGA (heart scan) revealed an ejection fraction of 59%, so that is still within normal range and just under my first reading - this is good.
I have added nutritional supplements to my diet. I heard about this product from a friend of mine who got great results with immune health issues. I have heard and read testimonials about the product and believe that it will be beneficial to my health. It's called ReLiv and it is a soy-based product, a powder mixed with water or juice to drink as a shake. I have been drinking the shakes twice daily for about 2 weeks. I'll let you know my results as I experience them.
For those people who don't know me well, I collect Longaberger baskets - and have since 1984! Each summer, the Longaberger company makes a basket "Horizon of Hope" to promote breast cancer awareness. A portion of the profits from the sales of these baskets are given to the American Cancer Society for breast cancer research. If you are interested in participating in this campaign, contact my sister Carol Shaw, who is a Longaberger consultant. If you order before July16, you'll get a 20% discount, yet the same donation will be forwarded to the ACS. Her email address is cmaire620@yahoo.com. If you're not into baskets, then get the travel coffee mug - pink with the breast cancer ribbon - really cute!
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Love,
Ellen

Bless the Family

2008-07-02T05:52:00.000-07:00

June 22 my family had a reunion at the family farm - my brother's farm. We had 28 in attendance! You can see some of the activities in the photos. The second photo shows Grant cranking homemade ice cream with me holding the freezer down with my foot. (I was blonde that day!) Several of my great - neices & nephews are helping. Lindsay is blowing bubbles with her cousin, Jackie. In the first photo the group is gathering to begin the best tradition - eating! Phil cooked Shipman beef hamburgers and everyone else brought family favorite foods. My sisters are under the tent preparing for the crowd - Joyce, Luanne, Nora and Carol. We also had a hay ride and toured the farm. It was a great day!

I hope each of you are enjoying family and friends this summer - and every chance you can. I am fortunate to have a close-knit family that I love spending time with.

I am feeling good and preparing for July 3rd treatment. My sister, Carol, will accompany me, since she is here from Montana for another few days. She will "represent" the Shipman family at my mother's family reunion on July 6th.

Happy Independence Day! Bless YOUR family and God Bless America!

Love,

Ellen

Finding Opportunities

2008-06-15T15:42:00.000-07:00

My third round of chemo was Thursday. Lindsay was with me all day and I appreciated her companionship. I think it was important for her to come to be a support for me and she was. She got to spend some quality time with Marlin, too, as they went for lunch while I napped.
Saturday was a rough day for me, some nausea and vomiting. I had not experienced any until this time. So I was thankful for the medicines I have to help me through it.
My family & friends surround me with loving phone calls and visits. My PEO sisters provided a meal for my family Thursday after treatment. It was delicious! Thank you, Bobbi and Sally.
My last treatment with Adriamycin and Cytoxan will be July 3rd, then I'll begin a two different medicines, Taxol and Herceptin. These meds will be given weekly for 12 weeks. They will be given in a shorter amount of time, probably just 2-3 hours, rather than all day. Following that will be daily radiation. I am to see the radiologist near the end of the next 12 weeks to determine how many daily treatments (M-F) that I will receive. Next week I am to have another MUGA (heart) scan to determine if the medicines have damaged my heart. Keep me in your prayers - that my heart remains healthy.
I am grateful for the kind gestures extended to me when I'm in public. I have had so many comments on my blog - and I hope it helps someone to understand the cancer experience. Certainly, writing is therapeutic for me, as well.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:10
Hope you had a great Father's Day and family time together -
Love and prayers,
Ellen

Beauty Day

2008-06-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

Monday, I attended a special class sponsored by the American Cancer Society "Look Good, Feel Better". I would recommend the class for any female that is undergoing cancer treatments. The class is facilitated by a licensed cosmotologist who provides advice on dealing with skin, nail and hair changes that occur with most chemotherapy. She taught the group about makeup application and how to keep makeup "clean" and "sanitary" because of the increased risk for infections. Everyone attending received a bag with about $250 worth of makeup and skin care products donated by major cosmetic companies, such as Clinique, Mary Kay, Clarins, Estee Lauder and others. We discussed wig fitting, hats and scarves. It was informative and a lot of fun!
I am doing well, staying close to home and enjoying friends' visits and calls. I rode to Pittsburg on Wednesday with a friend to get a Starbucks. My next treatment is June 12.
If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new! 2 Corinthians 5:17
Love -
Ellen

Family time

2008-05-28T19:44:00.000-07:00

I am happy to report that I will be spending the weekend with this wonderful family. Grant is racing at Heartland Park in Topeka this weekend - it's "the nationals". He borrowed a motor home from a friend so I'll have an air-conditioned place to land. Marlin's brother from Lees Summit will join us, along with Adam, Grant's friend from Olathe.

I am feeling good. I went to Pittsburg today alone (drove the Excursion) to get my blood test and did some grocery shopping. I was worn out by the time I got home, but really, I think I'm doing good. I am looking forward to getting out this weekend and having some distraction. Wish Grant good luck!

Thanking God each day for the blessings in my life.

Love,

Ellen

Now a Red-Head!

2008-05-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

My first day as a red-head was a success. In the photo I am in the front of my house next to the iris and peonies in bloom. They are both just gorgeous now!

Marlin and I took a road trip to Joplin, Mo, to do a few errands on Wednesday after by "buzz". He was looking for a new lounge chair to match our patio furniture and I was looking for time out of the house! We both got our wishes.

We had a good laugh - at least a knowing smile - when the sales clerk complimented me on my hair! She was a red-head and said she liked the cut and color of my hair. Marlin told her that I had just cut it - and I mentioned that I had it colored, too. The clerk just went on and on! So I don't know if she knew it was a wig or not, but that's okay. We had a good chuckle after we left the store.

My second treatment was May 22 and it went well. I was a little more tired on Friday and Saturday following. I have to give myself a Neulasta shot the day after each treatment to help boost my blood cell production. I asked to give the shots to myself, rather than going to the hospital. I am saving the insurance company $9,000 by doing this!! Yes, that's right- nine thousand dollars! Amazing, isn't it?

My devotion yesterday spoke to me. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 I needed that quieting yesterday and am ever grateful I have my faith to hold me up.

Remember the freedoms we enjoy during this Memorial Day weekend. Blessings to you and your family.

Love, Ellen

Bird's Nest Hair

2008-05-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, May 21, was "shave day". My hair was falling out in fistfuls and the mess it created was just annoying. I hadn't washed my hair is several days to preserve it a little longer, but it felt dead, dry and dull. I told Marlin I was ready. He has a friend, Anne, who had all the necessary equipment and she offered to come to the house. Marlin would join me in getting "buzzed". Anne suggested we go outside so that my hair would fall in the grass so that birds could use it to build their nests. Well, come to think of it, I remember seeing hair in birds nests and I've had days where my mother exclaimed my hair looked like a bird's nest - so I thought Anne had a good idea. I got a lawn chair and Marlin got the extention cord and my hair began to fall. It was a powerful feeling, to take this little bit of control, making this decision. Marlin followed me - although I am not sure the birds will benefit quite so much with his contribution.
Giving my hair to the birds was comforting, providing a cozy home for hatchlings this spring. God takes care of the birds and he is caring for me.
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot the soul. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of the Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:26-30 (paraphrased)
I've made God's job a little easier: numbers of hairs on my head= zero!
Love, Ellen

Spring Fever

2008-05-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

I am enjoying the beauty of the spring flowers in our yard. The iris are all blooming and the peonies are just about to burst out. I love the aroma of both - truly heralding spring. Marlin and I enjoyed the spring afternoon by taking a ride in the covertible with the top down. Marlin told me it would help me loose my hair - and it's coming out pretty fast now. The "shave day" is very close. I know several friends are anxious to see me as a redhead, but if the temperatures continue to climb - you may get me with the "Jason" look. (Okay, don't tell me you're not watching Dancing with the Stars?? This is the last week!)
The neupogen shots are going okay - I would recommend getting them in the abdomen, not the arm - there are less nerve endings in the abdomen and I have lots of abdominal tissue for "easy site rotation". I just had to get a nursing lesson in there somewhere!
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Take a walk and enjoy the season. I continue to be blessed by your cards, thoughts and prayers.
Love to you -
Ellen

Two Lows

2008-05-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

I was fortunate to have one of my sisters (Carol from Montana) accompany me today for my blood test and prosthesis fitting. My blood test proved the chemo is working, as my white cell count (absolute neutrophil count) was severely depressed. The low count makes me a high risk for infection. I will have to take subcutaneous (under the skin) injections of Neupogen (filgrastim) for five days to help the bone marrow to make more blood cells. The main side effect is pelvic bone pain. I can attest to that side effect. Marlin worked today in the yard and my back feels like I did, too. I am also taking an antibiotic to help protect me from infection. Of course, I must stay out of crowds, avoid sick people and wash my hands frequently.
This is a funny fact - my insurance company will cover the cost of two bras each year - but if I had a double mastectomy, I would be eligible for four bras each year. Okay, where is the logic? The prosthetic (fake) breasts are very realistic compared to the foam falsies that women wore years ago. I was able to select from a variety of styles of bras and the nurse that fits the prosthesis was helpful in giving me "care and feeding" tips for the new breast. Did you know that having one breast can cause poor posture? I am learning every day.
I would like to thank everyone for the kind words following my mother's death. I was blessed with a surprise visit from Barb and Lori from Washburn, who attended the funeral. Although it is a sad time for me and my family, I know Mama is in heaven with an incorruptible mind and body. (If you attended the funeral, you understand this reference.) She had been unable to recognize me for several months, due to AD. She was not able to understand my diagnosis or provide me support. Now, I believe, she has complete knowledge and will be watching over me. I am grieving, joyously.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and he delivers them. Psalm 34:7
If you can, hug your mama today.
Love, Ellen

Sweet Passing

2008-05-11T20:24:00.001-07:00

My dear friends,
My mother, Geneva Shipman, passed today about 12:30 pm. She had been in failing health for several years with Alzheimer's disease. My siblings and I are blessed with happy memories of her 94 years. She is safely in Our Father's (and our Daddy's) arms.
Ellen

Mean Genes? No Way!

2008-05-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

My surgeon from St. Louis, Dr. Margenthaler, called today to tell me that the gene test results came back. There is no genetic cause for my breast cancer. Although I have a strong family history, the gene test is clear (and BCBS paid for the test- some companies will not). Good news, especially for my daughter, Lindsay, as her risk for breast cancer is not increased.
I had a blood test today (CBC) and my cell counts are lowered, but within normal limits. I will have tests weekly to monitor the impact of the chemotherapy drugs - known to lower blood cell counts, causing the side effects of bleeding/bruising (low platelets), fatigue (low red cell count), and infection (low white cells). The lowest point of cell count is called nadir, when I am at highest risk for these side effects. I have not reached that point yet. Although I am fatigued, my friend tells me "your body is fighting and fighting is hard work". Put up your dukes, cancer! I am ready!
I am blessed by all your cards, positive thoughts and prayers. I am thankful to God for supplying so many blessings in my life - you being one of them.
Love,
Ellen

Big C, little c

2008-05-07T13:56:00.001-07:00

Cancer is considered the little c, when Christ is the Big C - and I know that the Big C will conquer the little c.
My new warrior words!
Still doing well - thank you for prayers.
Ellen

Fun Family Time

2008-05-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

This photo is from two weekends ago when Lindsay was down for her birthday. Isn't she a beauty? Aaron, her husband, is standing behind her. Lindsay has been a big help this weekend, being Chief Cook and Bottle Washer and giving directions to Dad. It's good to have family.
I am enjoying the day -
Blessings this Sunday to you.
Ellen

First Round Down

2008-05-03T11:40:00.000-07:00

May 1 was my first chemo treatment. I arrived at 8:30 a.m. for lab work and pre-meds. The pre-meds help fight side effects like nausea and vomiting (yewh! I hate that!). My anxieties are always for no reason and I continuously have to remind myself that I am really not in control here. I have to leave so much in God's hands. My port worked fine (anxiety #1). The two drugs were given to me very slowly, so about 6 hours later, I left the Cancer center. Eileen was my nurse, but all the nurses in the center eventually came into my room to visit or check on me. I asked for a private room for my first treatment, and may go to the central "recliner chair" room in the future. My very good friend, Faith, took me to the Center and Marlin arrived about mid-morning and stayed to take me home about 3 p.m. I am thankful for the loving support they both provided during the day.
I am doing okay, so far (day 3). I have received lots of calls and short visits and I so appreciate them all. My family and friends keep me going. I have treasured each inspirational note or just a call to gossip about American Idol! (Go -David Cook! Yeah!)
My prayer today: I am grateful that You are able to make all grace abound in me so that in all things at all times I will have all that I need. Fill me up with all the gifts of Your Spirit: love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. I praise You for the perfect gifts You give to me.
Blessings to you all -
Ellen

Not a Cup of Coffee

2008-04-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

I've had a muga - and it doesn't have anything to do with coffee. Monday I had a MUGA scan (multiple gated acquisition scan) which is a special test of heart function, more specifically - ejection fraction. A MUGA was done to see how well blood is pushed from my heart. The test is done by obtaining a blood sample and attaching radiation to it and re-injecting the blood into the patient, then watching the blood move through the heart with a special camera. It takes about 30 minutes to complete, and the hard part is lying very still with your arms overhead. Two of the chemotherapy medications that I will be taking can have side effects on the heart. The test will be repeated periodically throughout the next few months to monitor the effect on my heart. Today the doctor called to tell me the results - and my ejection fraction is 60.8% - so students what is a "normal" ejection fraction? Okay, I give - 55-70% is considered normal.
The protocol that I will receive is a standard treatment for ER/PR negative with HER2/neu positive tumors - AC - TH protocol, which is Adriamycin and Cytoxan followed by Taxol and Herceptin. I will get AC every three weeks for 4 rounds, then TH every three weeks for 4 rounds. It is anticipated that I will receive Herceptin, which attacks the HER2/neu positive cells, every week for a year following completion of the chemotherapy. Radiation therapy is also planned following chemotherapy and I will get the Herceptin along with radiation. Herceptin is unlike other chemotherapy drugs, as there are few side effects, such as loosing hair, GI effects or fatigue. However, Herceptin is one of the drugs that has heart side effects.
I have the first round tomorrow - May 1- which will take most of the day, as the adriamycin is given over 4 hours.
I know many people will have me in their thoughts and prayers tomorrow as I begin another "leg" of my recovery journey. I am thankful for the many blessings in my life.
It is again time to put on the "warrior" armor and fight! I am ready!
Power to you and to me-
Ellen

Tender Mercies

2008-04-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis on Monday afternoon for the follow-up appointment with Dr. Margenthaler, my surgeon. The appointment was Tuesday morning. She was pleased with the healing and removed the two drains I had - which gave me much relief. She told me that I could start chemotherapy as soon as a week and that my next follow-up appointment with her would be in six months. I have some post-op exercises for the left arm and shoulder to help prevent swelling (lymphedema) in that arm. Who knew I'd be exercising 3 times a day!
While in St. Louis, I made Marlin take me to some wig shops. I wanted to try some on and see what style would look best. We had some fun - I became a brunette and a red-head for a few minutes! I even tried on a silver-gray color. The shop had some funky ones - like the pink pageboy that Brittney wears - I didn't go for it. I actually look pretty good in strawberry-blonde - so look out for me as a red-head! I once had my hair colored a light red when Lindsay was in high school. I called her from the salon to come and see me and she nixed it - so I went back to blonde that very day. I think this time, Lindsay won't protest too much. Marlin says "it really makes your eyes blue". I never got real parental when it came to my kids' hair - after all, hair is temporary - and it should be a source of fun in this situation. You have to find humor in something! I also have a nice collection of turbans and hats, thanks to my friends and family. Hair loss begins 7-14 days after the first treatment, although there is some variation depending on the medication.
I saw Dr. River, oncologist, in Pittsburg, Wednesday, April 23rd to discuss beginning chemotherapy. He confirmed that he would follow the recommendations from the specialists in St. Louis, which relieved my anxiety a great deal. He was planning to discuss the medications again with Dr. Bose in St. Louis before he would give me a definite protocol. I will see Dr. River this afternoon to confirm the plan, however we did decide "C-day" is May 1.
I am doing well, still somewhat inpatient with my recovery. I get tired in the early evening, but I am sleeping well. I appreciate all the cards, calls, packages and prayers. I know that many have me in their thoughts and I am overwhelmed with emotion, gratefulness, and thanksgiving - to have so many friends and family supporting me.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits; who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies. Psalm 103: 2-4
Blessings and mercy to you -
Love, Ellen

Seventh day stretch

2008-04-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am seven days post-op and recovery is going pretty smoothly. I continually fight with my tendencies to "get things done" in my usual efficient manner. Healing takes time! I am reading that stack of books in the corner, watching the birds at the feeder in the backyard, and learning to knit. (Okay, Faith - I'm stuck, you'll have to come and help me with the next stitch.) Two of my sisters, Nora and Carol, arrived Tuesday evening and have been wonderful company and even better house slaves. (ha-ha) I will have the cleanest house in Girard by the time they leave on Sunday. Of course, Marlin is getting used to the gourmet cooking and will soon be disappointed in the sandwich meals sure to come in the next few weeks. My third sister, Luanne, will come Friday for the day. My brother is my mail carrier and has delivered your cards and notes to me daily. I really enjoy and truly appreciate all of them. I am suddenly an old lady - looking for the mailman!
I return to St. Louis next Tuesday, April 22, for follow up with my surgeon. I have an appointment on Wednesday with the oncologist in Pittsburg to plan chemotherapy - hopefully to start by the end of April.
I continue to lean on the Lord for strength and solice during this time. I know there are hundreds on people praying for me and I feel your loving embrace.
Blessings to you all - every one.
Love to all - Ellen

Details of the day

2008-04-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

Thank you to nurses- colleagues - who provided care during my hospital stay - my nurses were Beth Ellen (pre-op), Jeff (CRNA), Dennis & Chris (OR), Lana (recovery), Barbara (new grad, new RN), Cindy (new grad, new RN), Eileen (nursing student)and Belinda (NP). I had excellent nursing care and my anxieties about being so far from home and not personally knowing the nurses, were for no reason. I remember that He provides the care and I should not fear. My prayers (and yours!) were answered. I tried hard not to intimidate the nurses who knew I was a nursing instructor - the new grads did, however, learn a few tricks from this "old nurse" - like releasing the slide clamp allows the IV to drip (oops!). Hanging those piggyback IVs is always a challenge, at first!
My surgery went well. The surgeon, Dr. Margenthaler, had a "fellow", Dr. Dana Holwitz, who assisted with the surgery - both were very attentive and I felt confident in their care. The PET scan on Wednesday provided some positive news - the lymph node near my left collar bone is not cancer. I do have several nodes near the breast bone that will be attacked by chemotherapy and radiation.
The surgery was a left modified radical mastectomy with lymph node dissection. Dr. M. stated that she did see two lymph nodes that were cancer, and the pathologist will look through the removed tissue to find other nodes. I must wait on a pathology report to know more.
I arrived in recovery room, where I awoke following surgery, with a Q-ball (On Q). This is a round plastic reservoir filled with local anesthetic that "leaks" into the incision to provide pain relief. It is about the size of a cue ball. The reservoir slowly collapses as the bupivicaine is released through a very slim plastic tube inserted below the skin. The ball lasts about 3 days and then it is removed, by pulling the catheter out. The portion that rests under the skin is about 8 inches long! Marlin watched me as I pulled this out yesterday - I thought he might faint - but he has done very well in this crash course of nursing! According the the nurses, the Q-ball is used frequently with orthopedic surgeries, but I was only the second mastectomy patient to receive one at this surgery center. I would certainly recommend it! My pain level was never greater than 6 or 7 (out of 10) during the entire time at the hospital. Of course, I saved the Q-ball for "show and tell" with my students!
I was dismissed on Friday about noon and rode home in the Excursion on a mattress in the back. Grant drove and I was able to tolerate the trip well - of course, pain pills work great! We got home about 5:30 pm.
I have been resting at home since then. Thank you to friends from church, Fleta and Suzie, for providing meals this weekend and Brenda for staying with me while Marlin attended to business. I have been humbled by the generosity of my church friends, many blessings!!
My sisters will be arriving on Tuesday and will be a huge help in the next week. Marlin can get a break!
That's all for now - blessings and thanksgiving!
Love to you,
Ellen

Wrapped in love

2008-04-08T14:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my pastor's wife, Belinda, presented me with a prayer shawl that was knitted by women of the Christian Church in Topeka. It is their ministry to provide these beautiful shawls to anyone with illness and in need of prayer. Thank you, Belinda, for thinking of me. I have been wrapped in it since I received it. I am amazed by the sources of love and support that I receive.
I am preparing for the trip to St. Louis tomorrow. I will have a PET scan in the late afternoon and the surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning. I will also get a port that will provide an avenue to give chemotherapy. The port is a "cork" that goes under the skin near the collar bone that goes directly into a large vein so that I won't have to be stuck each time I get chemo - it's standard practice to have one.
Lindsay won't be making the trip to St. Louis. She has a terrible upper respiratory infection and missed work today. She needs prayer, too, to get better and because she wants to be with me for this trip. Marlin and Grant will travel with me and we plan to be back in Girard Friday evening.
Send positive thoughts and prayers for safe travel, skillful surgeon's hands and for His will be done.
Ellen

Finally --- Good News!

2008-04-04T18:08:00.000-07:00

The MRI results are back - the right breast has been "cleared". Dr. Bose, medical oncologist, and Dr. Margenthaler, breast surgeon, both called today to tell me that the suspicious spot on the right breast was highly likely benign - and not anything to be concerned with at this time! Glory, Joy, Joy, Joy! Finally, good news.
Dr. Bose called to tell me about the discussion of my case by the "tumor board". The pathologist reviewed tissue slides from my surgery and believes it likely that I have additional tumor cells in the remaining part of the left breast (so he recommends mastectomy). The five medical oncologists on the board agreed - and of course, Dr. M. believes that additional surgery is required. I am confident that the physicians' recommendation is the right thing to do. I am scheduled for April 10th in St. Louis.
Chemotherapy will follow in about 4 weeks, lasting 3-5 months, then radiation treatments.
I am at home, resting, eating lots of fresh fruits & veggies (antioxidants)and leaning on the Lord for His continuing guidance.
Joy, joy, joy!
Love to you - Ellen

In Preparation

2008-04-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

If you've been a frequent reader - you'll remember an early entry about "preparing" not "waiting". I received a powerful message in my devotion last night - I want to share it with you.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
Thank you for your petitions.
Love to you - Ellen

A Full Day

2008-04-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis on Monday afternoon. I saw Dr. Julie Margenthaler at the Center for Advanced Medicine at Barnes-Jewish Hospital Tuesday, April 1 (no foolin'). I was her first appointment, 8 am. She is a breast surgeon and I was impressed by her confidence and interest in me. She recommended that I have a modified radical mastectomy with lymph node dissection on the left (affected side) as soon as possible. I discussed with her the suspicious lesion on the other breast. I was hoping that the biopsy could be done at the same time as the other surgery. She recommended that I get another MRI that day so she could compare the results to the one I had in Joplin. We won't make a decision about the "other" breast until the MRI results are back - hopefully tomorrow (Friday). I did ask about doing mastectomies on both, but she is not recommending that, because of the longer healing time. We briefly discussed reconstruction surgery - not to be considered until all the treatment is done. I also had blood drawn for the breast cancer gene test. Some insurance companies are covering this test - I am unsure if mine will, but the lab tech told me that the lab and the insurance company will "duke it out" about the payment. So I'll leave that for someone else to worry about.
Dr. M. has surgery scheduled for me on Thursday, April 10th. Yesterday, I was able to complete the MRI and all pre-operative preparations. Everything that needed to be done went smoothly and completed in one day. Thanksgiving! We were able to leave St. Louis by 5 pm and got home about 9:30 pm. (okay, Marlin has a radar detector)
I am in Topeka this afternoon, Thursday and Friday, trying to prepare for my absence. I am so priviledged to work with a supportive group of women at Washburn nursing - and they have offered to cover classes for me - and I will accept their offer. I am learning how to accept the generosity of others.
My daily devotions continue to "speak to me". I am touched by the cards, prayers, and kind thoughts.
Ellen

Up Staged

2008-03-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

I saw Dr. Bose, medical oncologist, at the Siteman Cancer Center in St. Louis on Friday. My entire family went - Marlin, Grant, Lindsay and Aaron - and was included in the consultation. I was impressed by the consultation. Dr. Bose had made several pages of notes, obviously had reviewed all of my test results and asked me to share my story regarding the lump. He spent nearly 90 minutes with me and made several recommendations.
The MRI completed at Freeman on March 25th revealed a "suspicious lesion" in the other breast and a lymph node near the breast bone. The fact that my initial tumor was greater than 5 centimeters and that the sentinal node was positive added with the new information, elevates the cancer stage to III. Dr. Bose recommended that I see a breast cancer surgeon and have more surgery immediately to remove all lymph nodes from the affected side (left) and to get a biopsy of the lesion in the right breast. I have an appointment to see a breast cancer surgeon in St. Louis on Tuesday, April 1.
Dr. Bose plans to have the pathologist review my tissue specimens and plans to repeat some of the tests on the tumor tissue- specifically the HER2/neu which will help determine chemotherapy drugs. He recommends that I get the breast cancer gene test - since I have a strong family history. He also wants to get additional CT scans.
My case will be reviewed by a "tumor board" on Thursday. This board is a multi-disciplinary team of 5 different cancer specialists that reviews my case and makes recommendations for treatment to the primary oncologist. So I'll be a "case study".
Thank you for the prayers, as our travel was uneventful. We ate a nice dinner Friday evening at Joe's Crab Shack - one of Grant's favorite places - and I had a nice plate of shrimp and a couple of margaritas. Shoe-shopping was also on the agenda and I got some cute summer sandals. My birthday was March 29th, I received several birthday cards. Marlin got be a dozen beautiful dark pink roses and a pink iPod nano - which I am really enjoying.
Thanks to Kathy and Lori for sharing their journey and for their guidance and listening ear. Continue prayers and positive thoughts as I move forward . . . .
Love to all - Ellen

Feeling the Power!

2008-03-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

I completed my evening devotions as I was resting on my back in bed last night. I dropped my Bible and devotion book on the floor next to the bed and closed my eyes. As I began to relax, I felt a pressure on my lap that was warm and pulsating. I knew it wasn't my pulse, as I was feeling the beat of my heart. My entire body became warm and relaxed and I felt a great peace come over me. I opened my eyes to see nothing, yet the feeling remained for several minutes. I believe I had a divine visit last night, through your prayers and by my faith. I felt His peace and I slept better than I have slept in weeks!
Or I had a major hot flash . . . . . !
Love you! Ellen

The Squeaky Wheel . . . .

2008-03-26T14:11:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, March 25, I had a special MRI of both breasts at Freeman Hospital in Joplin. I have had several scans and blood tests in anticipation of the consultation at Barnes-Jewish on Friday. Although Dr. River, my oncologist, has faxed many results and physician's notes, I must carry with me the original mammogram, pathology slides and other scans on DVD, so the team of physicians can review them to design and recommend the best treatment options for me. However, the radiology department at Freeman wanted the original mammogram, too. As I talked with the radiology department on the phone in scheduling the MRI, I mentioned that I must have the mammograms returned to me that day so that I could take them to my consultation. When I arrived to complete the MRI, the receptionist told me that I couldn't get the mammograms that day, as the radiologist would want them to help in reading the MRI.
So I completed the scan, worrying about the fact that I may not get the mammogram films back in time. I understand (from a nurse's view) how "things happen" and items get misfiled, misplaced or simply lost in the system. After I completed the MRI and dressed, I asked the technician for the mammogram films. To make a long story shorter, I called Dr. River and vented my frustration - was I feeling a little out of control?? Dr. River personally called the radiologist and put the reading of the MRI on the fast track. Marlin was able to pick up the MRI and the original mammogram films today! So, the moral of the story is - the squeaky wheel does get the grease and be your own advocate. I am learning quickly to ask alot of questions and question everything! I am so thankful to understanding of the healthcare system and a background that allows me to comprehend the details of my cancer.
Continue your prayers - for save travel to St. Louis, for expert consultation, and God's hand in healing.
Ellen

Hurrah for Arthritis!

2008-03-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

Never thought I would be glad to have arthritis, however, the bone scan completed yesterday revealed that I have arthritic changes in the shoulders, hips and knees, but NO evidence of metastasis. So goody for arthritis! The CT scan revealed a lymph node above the left clavicle (collar bone) and a couple under my left arm. Dr. River (oncologist) believes that the nodes will disappear with chemo and radiation, but of course, he is encouraging me to discuss options with the "professors" at Barnes-Jewish next Friday. Options being to surgically remove the nodes, or wait for the chemo and radiation to work.
I am feeling stronger following surgery last week. My pain is minimal and I am taking Ambien to help with sleep, so I am resting well. My incisions are healing fine, the stitches are subcutaneous (under the skin), so won't have to be removed and the steri-strips fell off (with a little coaxing) yesterday. They were kinda itchy, so I'm glad they are gone. I am able to wear a bra pretty comfortably (not comfortable even before surgery!) and haven't used any padding - don't look too lopsided.
Blessed by all the cards, phone calls and prayers. Thank you for that!
Ellen

Opening the door . . . .

2008-03-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

Some answered prayers today - He is opening the door. I received a call from the Siteman Cancer Center at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis. My appointment is Friday, March 28th. My case will be reviewed by a team of physicians who specialize in breast cancer ONLY. The center is part of the National Cancer Institute, so I believe that the team will have access to the best research and protocols for my treatment. My family and I will make decisions about my treatment after hearing the team's recommendation.
I will have a CT and bone scan at Mt. Carmel in Pittsburg this week on Wednesday.
I continue to receive blessings of phone calls and cards from my loving network of family and friends. I accept them with thanksgiving and praise.
Ellen

Tears -

2008-03-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have cried. At first my tears were out of fear, today my tears are out of love. I have been touched by so many people already, so early after my diagnosis. My eyes well up each time someone gives me encouragement and hope.
My prayer last night was for my heart to be open to God's will and blessings - that I may receive them willingly, honestly. And that I may be a witness to His greatness. I have received so many blessings!
My devotion today told me to find the place in my heart where He lives and my task today is to "be quiet" and prepare to listen to His will.
Anyone who has been through this knows - waiting is the hardest thing to do. I understand now, that waiting is really "preparing".

Ellen

Ups and downs

2008-03-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

The oncologist called Thursday to tell me that the tumor is ER neg and PR neg and HER2/neu at 2+ - not what we were hoping for. (that's the down) More tests are being completed and I'll get more results when I see the oncologist on Thursday, March 20. I am scheduled for a special type of MRI at Freeman in Joplin on March 25th - to check the remaining part of the left breast and my right breast - in search of more tumors. Still waiting for the appointment at Barnes-Jewish in St. Louis for the second opinion.
My church friends and neighbors have been so wonderful to bring in meals in this week. My family and I have enjoyed the bounty of good cooks! I have received dozens of cards, phone calls and several flower arrangements and a few visitors. I am truly blessed. (that's the up) I told Marlin that our house smelled like a flower shop. (another up)
One of my good friends, K. G., I discovered is fighting breast cancer (diagnosed in August and just finished chemo) She visited me on Friday evening. She was hopeful and encouraging. It was good for me to listen to her insights. She is a brave example for me. We laughed and cried together - and that's another 'up'.
My surgery wound is healing well, but I sure get tired quickly. I am trying to keep busy with some project work at Washburn - the miracle of computers.
That's all for today. Ellen

It was a dark and stormy night . . . .

2008-03-11T14:48:00.000-07:00

Well, actually, it was a February day that I went to see my primary care doctor about a "lump" I found in my left breast. I thought it was another cyst, as I had one in my right breast about a year ago. Dr. Salvador sent me immediately to the hospital for a sonogram. A few hours following the sonogram, she called me to schedule a mamogram and a probable biospy. It wasn't a cyst.
Tuesday, February 26th I had a biospy in the surgeon's office. The pathologist report was DCIS - ductal carcinoma in situ and the surgeon suggested I see an oncologist.
I saw the oncologist the next Monday. Dr. River tells me that I'll need surgeon and most likely radiation therapy. I had already done my homework, looking on the internet and in my textbooks. He was optimistic, yet realistic. My optimism kicked in and I was confident that a lumpectomy was all that would be required.
My surgery was March10. The surgeon says it's "more" than originally thought. My next appointment is Thursday and I will know more then.
Keep me in your prayers.