Fight or Flight

Stress and fear can create a response in the body that is called "fight or flight". The body gears up to run away from the enemy or to fight the enemy. I have been fighting this week. (Theme from Rocky begins to play.)
After my initial consultation with the radiation doctor in Pittsburg, I was very upset. He dismissed the recommendations from the physicians at Barnes-Jewish, stating his protocol was indicated and that "my insurance wouldn't pay for it anyway" (talking about Barnes' recommendations). I was so mad at this remark, that I quit asking questions and "turned off" anything else he told me. He did schedule me for a PET scan to evaluate the effectiveness of the chemotherapy for Thursday, but I won't know the results until next week.
BYW, I did call my insurance company and the representative told me there was a way for my case to be reviewed and they would consider payment, if deemed necessary.
I called the oncologist in St. Louis, Dr. Bose, and asked him to talk to the radiation doctor in Pittsburg. He returned my call Friday and told me he was scheduling me to have a consultation with a radiation oncologist in St. Louis at the time I see my surgeon for follow up - Oct. 21. I was comforted by the fact that another doctor will be reviewing my case.
Anyway, I have been fighting this week. I am aware that people with little knowledge of the medical system, how to navigate the system, or have no advocate, are at the mercy of the doctors and "the insurance companies".
Through all this, I have asked myself and asked God "why?". Not "why did I get the disease?", but "why did You give me this experience?" and "what will be the purpose?"
I have to believe that there is some reason. Perhaps I will be more of an advocate for others. I will need to listen more closely to God's voice.
I want to thank Lori for her caring card during my low time last week, with encouraging scripture written in -
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Continue your prayers -
Love to all -
Ellen