Good-bye 2008

In just a few hours, 2008 will be history. This year has provided challenges - a diagnosis of breast cancer and the death of my mother. I have experienced a range of emotions including disbelief, sadness, humility, frustration, advocacy, love, and gratefulness. I have grown spiritually and deepened my faith in God. I am forever thankful for my family, friends and colleagues who have shared so much of themselves to support me in 2008. The acts of kindness, cards, phone calls, suppers, and prayers are deeply appreciated. The celebrations of my healing are heartfelt.
I have completed most of my treatment for cancer, although I will continue receiving Herceptin weekly until July, in Pittsburg. I covet your continued prayers.
I hope you have a great new year - I am expecting 2009 to be soooooo much better!
So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:18
Happy New Year!
Love to you -
Ellen

A Very Merry Christmas

I am home. Radiation treatment is over. Dr. Zoberi reports that the CT scans of my chest and neck are unremarkable. Good news! I feel good, although I know my energy level isnt' up to my standard. The skin on my chest is tight and itchy and red - like a sunburn. Dr. Z. says it will get worse before it gets better and provided a prescription cream that I apply 4 times daily.
I was blessed with good traveling weather. It was raining in St. Louis this morning, but 40 degrees. By the time I got home, the temperature had dropped to the 20's, but dry. Our children will be home tonight, Aaron and Lindsay will arrive about 7:30. Grant, Tosha and I will attend candlelight services at 6:30. For me, it just wouldn't be Christmas without Christmas eve service. I have attended since birth, I think. I remember the country church I attended while growing up and my parents, who I miss especially at Christmas. I am thankful for my siblings and my family and wish them the best Christmas. It will be a very Merry Christmas for me.
For unto us a child is born, . . . And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace, there will be no end. Isaiah 9: 6-7.
God Bless you and yours.
Love to you -
Ellen

Three, Two, One

Just three more radiation treatments in St. Louis! My last treatment will be Christmas eve at 8 am - so I'll be driving home by 9 am! I have been pleased with the care provided by my doctor and all the technicians at the Siteman Cancer Center. The primary side effect from radiation that I have experienced is skin changes. My left chest looks like its been to the Bahamas - sunburned! It is getting to be uncomfortable and tender.
This weekend I purchased groceries for Christmas weekend meals and did some other preparations. I am playing in the church's bell choir on Sunday and providing the "children's chat" for services. Saturday night, Marlin and I are attending a birthday party for a friend.
I am grateful for all the notes, cards, packages - but especially the prayers that I have received during my St. Louis stay. I have the very best family and friends.
God bless you during this special Christmas time.
Delight yourself also in the Lord; and he shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Love to you -
Ellen

Staying Positive

I was fortunate to have my sister, Luanne, come to St. Louis and stay with me for a few days this week. She was a blessing, as I was sick during the night on Tuesday night. I think I caught a little virus or ate something that didn't agree with me - anyway, she fetched me a cool drink and ice to sooth my throat after I lost my supper. The next day I told Lindsay about my brief and severe illness during the night. Her positive statement - "Well, at least Aunt Lu didn't have to hold your hair!" True. No hair to hold away from my face as I direct it into the toilet! Oh, my.
I am amazed at the return of my hair. My eyebrows and eyelashes have grown quite a bit over the last 5 weeks. I can now wear mascara! My hair (on my head) is growing and coming in rather gray - oh, well, the color will be changed. I've had to shave my legs twice in the last three weeks. Okay, how come that hair can't be growing out of my head? Marlin tells me he wonders the same thing!
During these last few months, I have been reading numerous books. I would recommend a book to you, The Shack, by Young. Although it is a work of fiction, it provides an opportunity to evaluate one's view of and relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It is a marvelous story and you'll either read the book really fast to see how it ends, or read it slowly to savor the story. I chose to read it fast - with the plan of reading it a second, maybe third time. Keep a box of kleenex handy! You can find The Shack in any bookstore on the bestseller table.
Only eight days of radiation treatment left. I have some skin changes in the radiation area, feels tight and it has a sunburned appearance. I have specific moisturizing cream to apply several times a day and use cornstarch powder to ease the itching. My last treatment will be at 8:00 am on December 24th.
I have so appreciated the cards, letters, notes, prayers and positive thoughts during my stay at the Hope Lodge. I am wildly blessed in my life and I thank God for it all!
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." I Corinthians 2:9
Love to you -
Ellen

Half-Baked

Today I completed number 20 of 38 radiation treatments, so I guess I've passed the halfway point of radiation. So far I've had no adverse reactions. The skin over my left chest area is getting a little color - pink - but I've had no skin soreness and no fatigue, which is the most common reaction. I am resting alot, however.
I have met several people at Hope Lodge and I am reminded by each story of how blessed I am. So many are suffering with cancer and it's "cure". Several have no family support, are unable to work and face tremendous hardships. This week the St. Louis paper featured a story about "Secret Santa" who was distributing $10,000 to strangers in $100 bills. I remember reading about Mr. Stanley in Kansas City that did this for several years in the KC area. One of the residents of the Hope Lodge was a recipient of one of the $100 bills. Debbie has pancreatic cancer and Lee is her sister-in-law and caregiver. Debbie has lost alot of weight due to her illness and most of her clothes did not fit. Lee was in a neighborhood thrift store searching for clothing that would fit Debbie. Secret Santa was at the store, approached Lee and asked her why she was shopping. Upon hearing the story, he promptly awarded Lee $100 bill with "Secret Santa" stamped in red ink on the back. Lee was overcome with tears of joy. She had never heard of this and was happy beyond belief. She praised God for the gift and shared that the money would be used to purchase medication and pay Debbie's electricity bill this month. Lee is a pastor's wife and Debbie is the pastor's sister. Both were truly thankful for God's intervention - giving Him all the credit for supplying this gift.
On Thursday evening the St. Louis University swim team came to Hope Lodge and baked Christmas cookies for us. One of the students was a nursing major and so we had a long chat!
I am home this weekend and planning to tour the Historic Fort (Ft. Scott) with a group from our church and have dinner at Chicken Annie's on Saturday night. I have Christmas cards ready to mail and just a very few presents left to buy. I have been grading papers and getting classes completed as the end of semester fast approaches.
I will share a quote sent to me by my pastor, Doug.
"Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is."
Stay warm -
Love to you -
Ellen

Marching along

I am sitting in the chair getting weekly Herceptin injection through my port. I completed radiation treatment # 11 on Sunday. The cancer center did radiation on Sunday for those requesting, so that we can have 4 days for Thanksgiving. I jumped at the chance to get the treatment regime completed earlier. In talking to the radiation oncologist, Dr. Zoberi, he explained I would have 28 treatments - which in my calculation would be done on Christmas eve. When I started last week, the radiation technician gave me a calendar with my schedule and I was scheduled until January 7th. I was confused. When I talked to Dr. Z. on Tuesday, he explained that the last 7-10 treatments were "boost" treatments to irradiate the internal mammary nodes, which would be a smaller area in my chest. However, the boost treatments could be scheduled with my other treatments, with the primary larger area treatment in the morning and the boost in the afternoon. So Dr Z arranged this for me and on Tuesday and Thursday I will get two treatments. Hopefully, I will be completed by Christmas eve.
The Hope Lodge accommodations are clean and simplisitc. Everyone must do their own laundry, includeing towels and bedsheets that are provided. We also are to keep the rooms clean. No housekeeping staff. The kitchen facilities are very good with four complete cooking stations. Each resident has a locker to keep dry foods in and a bin with our room number on it to put foods in the industrial-sized refrigerator. There is a family room with TV on each floor (3) and a large TV room near the kitchen area. There is gated parking by the Lodge and parking is free, too. The Lodge has about 50 rooms and last Thursday night it was full. Today, it's about 1/2 full. Most residents will go home for Thanksgiving. Today and tomorrow a local radio station is broadcasting from the Lodge all day having a radio-thon as a fund raiser for the Lodge. I read in the promotion materials that it costs $1000 to keep the home open for one day. Several community/church groups are making meals for all the residents of the Lodge. Last week a St. Louis Univerity Relay for Life team provided a turkey dinner for everyone.
My sister Carol was here from Tuesday to Sunday. She flew in and I found the airport without any difficulty. We did try to do one fun thing a day while she was here, so we saw the Catholic Bascilica (built in 1907) with 42 million mosaic pieces in the ceiling; the botanical gardens, historic St. Charles, Hermann wineries, Missouri History Museum, Clayton Row (antique shops).
I have been reading a lot- I am reading the Barbara Bush biography - interesting in the light of the current political climate. I have papers to grade and return - all through the wonders of the web- and I am completing an Advanced Pharmacology class.
I look forward to the holiday and being home for a few days. Lindsay and Aaron will travel with us on the day to Marlin's brother and sister in law who live on Grand Lake. I hope Lindsay will help me put up the Christmas tree and decorate a little.
I am grateful for the mail I have gotten while in St. Louis and know that the many prayers said are helping me cope.
Blessings to your family -
Love to you, Ellen

In preparation -

After waiting for over a week for the doctor to call, the radiation plan is complete and I will begin daily treatments on Tuesday, November 11. I will stay at Hope Lodge, 4215 Lindell, St. Louis, Mo. 63108. The Hope Lodge is sponsored by the American Cancer Society and I can stay free during my treatments. I will have weekly Herceptin (IV medicine) on Monday mornings and appointments for tests and other medical specialists while I am there. I will be able to come home on weekends, but may not come home until Thanksgiving when I have 4 days off. My sister, Carol, who lives in Montana, is planning to stay with me Nov. 18-23, and my sister, Luanne (from Chicago) plans to spend a few days with me in December.
I have several projects to complete and will use time in preparation for next semester classes. I am grateful for the faculty at Washburn who are covering classes for me during my leave from work. They are a special group of women and I am so fortunate to call them my friends.
Enjoy the weekend and the beautiful fall weather.
Love to you -
Ellen

Getting Rest

As I await radiation therapy in St. Louis, I am taking time to rest, really rest. Dr. Mathew asked me how much rest I was getting, as I told him about my frequent insomnia. I thought it was funny asking about "rest" when I couldn't sleep well. Dr. M. suggested a 4 pm rest - without distractions and in bed - not in the recliner in front of the TV. I have been doing better about resting and I am sleeping better, too. I have included a walk in my daily routine that had been absent for several months. My energy level is improving and I know the exercise helps me sleep better, too.
My devotions continue to speak to me.
Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Thank you for your prayers as I continue on this healing journey.
Love to you -
Ellen

His Grace is all I need

This week has been full of decision making and un-making decisions. Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis to consult with a radiation oncologist and follow up with my surgeon (6 month check up). I wanted the specialists at Barnes-Jewish Hospital to review my case again, since the chemotherapy is essentially complete. The recommendation from the radiation doctors was to do a special type of radiation called intensity modulated radiation therapy (IMRT) because it would be less damaging to my heart. Since my cancer was on the left side and I also received Adriamycin (chemo drug) which damages the heart, the physicians believed that conventional radiation therapy would not be safe for my heart. They did explain how radiation therapy would be done in Pittsburg, should I decide to have radiation locally. After their consultation, I was comfortable with having radiation therapy done in Pittsburg, since many women in America receive "conventional" radiation therapy without problems.
I had a followup visit with Dr. M, the surgeon, that went very well - return in another 6 months.
Thursday, I went to Pittsburg for an appointment with the radiation doctor at Mt. Carmel. He had changed the radiation treatment plan from what was explained to me by the doctors in St. Louis. Dr. J. was very re-assuring that what he planned was appropriate and would be safer for my heart. The plan he proported omitted radiation of my breast bone area - where the internal mammary glands are. The physicians in St. Louis were very adamant that the internal mammary glands be radiated. I was very confused, now, with the differing plans. I was doubtful, but agreed to have a first treatment.
Today, I consulted for the first time with Dr. Mathew, a medical oncologist. He is the doctor to replace the first medical oncologist I had (Dr. River). Dr. M. was very helpful. Marlin and I knew he had spent time reviewing my case, as he asked very pointed questions and discussed the radiation treatment with me. He was concerned that Dr. J. was not including the internal mammary glands in the radiation field and telephoned him, personally, to advocate for me. Dr. J. refused to change the plan. After much discussion of options with Dr. Mathew, Marlin and I agreed that the best option for me - with the very best chance of success - is for me to go to St. Louis for radiation treatment. I would have to stay in St. Louis for daily treatments for about 7 weeks.
I have been praying for wisdom in decision making. I have been praying for God's guidance for my physicians. I believe God has provided the path for me to continue my treatment. My devotions the last week have been chapters in Matthew of Jesus' healing (Chapters 8 and 9). By God's grace, he has provided guidance to me.
Keep me in your prayers -
Love to all -
Ellen

Praise the Lord!

PET scan results were very good!!! No spots of "activity" were revealed -- the chemo worked! I am filled with thanksgiving and praise!
I will continue treatment with radiation, but this news certainly influences the course of the therapy. I am so grateful for the blessings of God and your prayers.
Keep them up!
Thank the Lord because he is good. His love continues forever. Psalm 107:1
So let us be thankful, because we have a kingdom that cannot be shaken. Hebrews 12:28
Praise the Lord! My whole being, praise the Lord. I will sing praises to my God as long as I live. Psalm 146:1-2
Praise the Lord! and Love to You!
Ellen

Fight or Flight

Stress and fear can create a response in the body that is called "fight or flight". The body gears up to run away from the enemy or to fight the enemy. I have been fighting this week. (Theme from Rocky begins to play.)
After my initial consultation with the radiation doctor in Pittsburg, I was very upset. He dismissed the recommendations from the physicians at Barnes-Jewish, stating his protocol was indicated and that "my insurance wouldn't pay for it anyway" (talking about Barnes' recommendations). I was so mad at this remark, that I quit asking questions and "turned off" anything else he told me. He did schedule me for a PET scan to evaluate the effectiveness of the chemotherapy for Thursday, but I won't know the results until next week.
BYW, I did call my insurance company and the representative told me there was a way for my case to be reviewed and they would consider payment, if deemed necessary.
I called the oncologist in St. Louis, Dr. Bose, and asked him to talk to the radiation doctor in Pittsburg. He returned my call Friday and told me he was scheduling me to have a consultation with a radiation oncologist in St. Louis at the time I see my surgeon for follow up - Oct. 21. I was comforted by the fact that another doctor will be reviewing my case.
Anyway, I have been fighting this week. I am aware that people with little knowledge of the medical system, how to navigate the system, or have no advocate, are at the mercy of the doctors and "the insurance companies".
Through all this, I have asked myself and asked God "why?". Not "why did I get the disease?", but "why did You give me this experience?" and "what will be the purpose?"
I have to believe that there is some reason. Perhaps I will be more of an advocate for others. I will need to listen more closely to God's voice.
I want to thank Lori for her caring card during my low time last week, with encouraging scripture written in -
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Continue your prayers -
Love to all -
Ellen

Nothing to Fear

It's true. Fear had a choke-hold on me the last few days. The frustration with the doctors, radiation treatment, and ending chemo piled up on me and I was frozen. I have been praying more fervently and asking God for His healing touch and His direction in the decisions that face me with this disease treatment. It is overwhelming . . . then, God provided peace in my devotion last night.
God is our refuge and strength always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! Psalm 46:1-3
Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I have the last of 12 doses of Taxol and Herceptin tomorrow and have a PET scan on Thursday. I need your prayers this week to boost my courage. I feel your prayers have lifted me throughout this journey.
Love to you-
Ellen

No guarantees

Number 11 round of Taxol and Herceptin on Monday. I saw Dr. River, too, for a last consult before he leaves to practice in Tulsa. I have been avoiding making any decision about "who will be my doctor", waiting for an answer from God that crashes on the ground in front of me. I haven't been doing my part - no prayer asking for answers - so why should I expect God to answer something I haven't asked for. I have been struggling with staying at Mt. Carmel Cancer Center - with no choice of physician - and I REALLY don't like the only available physician - or should I make a change to another physician/cancer service, now as chemo is completed (next week, number 12) and before radiation begins. I will see the radiation doctor Oct. 1.
I have been struggling over the weekend and into Monday with my diagnosis - I had another hit of reality - Stage III breast cancer, 67% five year survival rate. Hard reality. Cruel reality. Grief, sadness, despair. . . . . .
Psalms 91
Psalms 22
Prayer
Sleep
Sunlight and work.
Today is better. I have realized that no one has a guanantee on life. I don't know why I suddenly understand this - I've even said it aloud to others, unknowingly and without insight. All I can say is "it is different, when it is me". I feel better today, more secure and peaceful. I will trust God for tomorrow and live today the life He wants me to live. My prayers will be more earnest. My heart will be more open. My days filled with more sincerity.
So what about my doctor??? - well, I took some long-ago received advice and called Dr. Bobar Mathew in Pittsburg. He is a physician that works for Freeman Hospital (Joplin),and was at Mt. Carmel for many years. His office is in Pittsburg, however. He has a great reputation. I called his office and asked to talk to one of his nurses - not asking for a specific name - and the receptionist forwarded my call to Cindy Masters. I know her and she knows me. (wow, is God at work??) She is arranging for my consultation. Soooo easy. A door opened, A prayer answered.
Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13.
Love you all -
Ellen

TGIF

I have been fortunate to have avoided most of the side effects of chemotherapy. Most people loose weight, and I think I've gained weight! However, the last couple of weeks I have been experiencing numbness and tingling in the bottom of my feet that is a side effect of the drug Taxol. It's a fairly common side effect. It's difficult for me to walk barefoot, but with shoes on, no one could tell I was having any problems. It's annoying and supposed to disappear after the drug is out of my system. Only two more chemo treatments! Yippee!!
I will be traveling to Wichita next week to attend the nurses state convention. I am planning to stay with Aaron and Lindsay and probably stay Friday night to extend my visit. They will be home in Girard this weekend to attend a wedding.
I have been in Topeka most of this week (except for Monday - chemo day) because the school has had state and national "inspection". It is stressful and will be over today, thankfully. I am glad it's Friday and I can be home soon.
Have a great weekend -
Love to you,
Ellen

Number 10 on Monday

Taxol/Herceptin #10 will be Monday, September 22 and the last treatment will be October 6th - I can hardly believe it. I will then receive daily radiation, but I am unsure when that will start. I see the radiation doctor on October 1 and will know more then. The Cancer Center nurses told me that usually radiation is started about 3 weeks after chemo ends, which would then be October 27th.
I will see the surgeon at Barnes-Jewish in St. Louis on October 21st for a follow-up.
I am wondering if the doctors will do any scans to see if the chemo worked - it would seem like a logical time to have a scan, but when I asked Dr. River about it, he seemed to think we should wait until at least 5 weeks after chemo.
I still don't know who my physician will be at Mt. Carmel when Dr. River leaves the first of October. I think I should get some kind of notice, that hasn't happened. I am concerned, yet I have decided to 'let go and let God' on this - I can go back to St. Louis, if needed, for follow up care.
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress:my God, in him I will trust. Psalm 91:2
Love to all -
Ellen

Another 1 in 8

This week I learned of a woman at my church who has breast cancer, another one of eight women who will get this disease. I saw her today at church and spoke to her about her concerns. She is most fearful of the chemotherapy since the drugs are damaging to the heart, and especially since she has heart problems and is diabetic. She has scans this week and surgery the next week. Her diagnosis is affirmation that I can provide comfort to her through her journey.
I am feeling more like myself today, more energy after my trip. Still, I think I'll go to bed early. Chemo tomorrow.
Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
Love to you,
Ellen

Back from N. Ireland!

Here is a preview - I took 97 photos during my trip!
I am with my friend, Cindy (and the Dean of Washburn SON), at a traditional irish pub - just ate fish and chips for lunch. Another photo is from Ulster Folk Museum (Ireland circa 1900) in a protestant church, and three from the seacoast. The weather was cooler and it rained one day. However, it didn't interfere with shopping in downtown Belfast.

I left Belfast Tuesday morning at 11:20 am and got back to Girard at 4:00 am Wednesday morning. It is a long trip, yes, but I spent 7.5 hours at Newark airport - a victim of delays due to weather, lack of flight crew and then mechanical problems with the plane! The 4 pm flight to KC was cancelled, I was bumped to the 9 pm flight, which left at 11:30 pm! I did survive - and slept through chemo on Wednesday morning. Still no side effects from these treatments. I have been so blessed. I am more tired this week, but I am surely jet lagged a bit.
Fitting, my devotion last night was about joy - read Habakkuk 3:17-18. I will be joyful in the God of my salvation.
Take time to enjoy the fall weather - it's raining here today. A good day to rest and stay cozy in the house.
Love to you -
Ellen

Comfort and Joy!

No it's not Christmas. My devotion last evening included 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7. To paraphrase, "God gives us comfort and we must pass it on to others in need of comfort". This truly spoke to me, as I have experienced great comfort during my diagnosis and treatment that I believe is God sent. And now, I am keenly aware of family and friends in need of comfort. Although I cannot be there physically, I am near in heart. I am sending you God's comfort!
I am preparing (joy!) for my trip today. Packing for a cooler climate and looking forward to seeing the green of Ireland. I will post some photos when I return.
Keep me in your prayers and I continue on my journey -
Love to all,
Ellen

Walk and Not Faint

I completed round 6 of Taxol/Herceptin today without problems. Again, the nurses and my doctor find it remarkable that I have had so little side effects from these medicines. I know my friends and family lift me up each day in prayer and I have all faith that God supplies these miracles.
I am starting the third week of teaching at Washburn and have a great group of students in my classes. I have already had a "consultation" with a student whose wife was diagnosed with breast cancer just a few weeks ago. I also have a colleague that I am praying for as she begins cancer treatment. I am hopeful that I can share my experience and help others, as I have been supported and guided by friends and family who have been diagnosed and victorious in their recovery. I am thankful today for Dr. River (I know, can you believe I am saying this - he was my nemesis). He and one of the cancer center nurses are giving me my treatment on Labor day so that I can take a trip to Belfast, Northern Ireland! I am fortunate to be able to travel to Belfast due to my work with the international student exchange program at Washburn. The dean at Queen's University is retiring and having a celebration - one reason for the trip. I am staying for a week and hope to do some fun things around the "meet and greets" with faculty from around the world that will be invited to the event. I leave September 2 and return the 9th. I am looking forward to traveling.
Here's the lessson for today if planning to fly- if you've had a mastectomy, you should get a sleeve (a tight fitting pressure garment) to wear on the affected arm to prevent lymphedema (swelling) in that arm. The altitude and pressure changes from flying could initiate the swelling, which is difficult to treat, easier to prevent. Few nurses know this and some physicians don't know this. My nurse at Barnes-Jewish told me when she instructed me about lymphedema prevention, as she knew I traveled some for my job.
I hope you are enjoying the fine August weather and taking time to walk with the Lord.
But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Love to you,
Ellen

Enjoy the day!

Round 4 went smoothly. I have been feeling well and began work at Washburn on Tuesday. Classes start Monday the 18th. I have been fortunate to have very little effects from these medications, however, I witnessed a bad reaction on Monday during my treatment. The woman next to me experienced some chest pain and the crash cart arrived pronto with a flurry of staff. She was receiving the same drugs I take and had a bad reaction. I am thankful for vigilant nurses who provide care to me. My driver this week was DeMaris. She stayed with me and I appreciated the support. We discussed the books we were reading.
Washburn has selected a book for all to read "Three Cups of Tea" - it is an inspirational book about an American who builds schools for girls in Afghanistan. It's a good read.
Enjoy the day!
Love, Ellen

A time to prepare . . . .

The third treatment with Taxol and Herceptin was uneventful. My friend, Carolyn, was my driver this week. Thanks, Carolyn! The time in the "chemo chair" goes by more quickly once the medication is going, but Monday the "getting ready" part took more time. The nurses were busy and I had to wait about 45 minutes before they could get me started. I am prepared to wait, as I always have a bag of goodies with me - books, iPod, scripture cards. I have read so much this summer - wonderful mysteries and inspirational books. I viewed the YouTube of Dr. Randy Pausch and read his book "The Last Lecture". Inspirational and not sappy - excellent quick read and a very touching story. The book would make a great gift for anyone you care about.
I am preparing to go back to Washburn. August 18th is the first day of class. I signed a contract for full time teaching - 9 month contract. With my treatments this fall, the Dean has designed a flexible schedule for me. I'll be in Topeka three days a week in the fall and probably 4 days a week in the spring semester. I am staying with my niece, Dana, who lives about 1 mile from campus. She has a nice 2 bedroom apartment and I have my own bedroom/bath. Very cozy and I think I make a pretty good roomy - I know Dana is a good roommate. We have had alot of fun together decorating her apartment and doing "girl stuff". We saw "Mamma Mia" last week while I was in Topeka.
My doctor cautions me to stay away from crowds to prevent catching an infection. I am back to church. I have been "in the public" and have been very careful, and I receive so much from attending worship. I know it's the best thing for me.
My family continues to bless me with phone calls and cards. I know my road to recovery is smoother because you've been there to pray for me. I am filled with gratitude and know healing comes from God via your prayers.
Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
Love to you -
Ellen

Smooth Sailing - I'm Not in Control!

I sailed through the first doses of Herceptin and Taxol. Some people experience allergic reactions to both of these medications, but I didn't feel a thing. The nurse gave them slow this time, so it took from about 9:30 am to 1:30 pm today to finish. I was fortunate to have my friend (and nurse practitioner) Cheryl take me and pick me up today. A big Thank YOU! I am so grateful to have friends and family to drive me to Pittsburg for my treatments. I know that some patients drive themselves, but I feel a little "hazy" after my treatments and I would fear I might be unsafe driving the 20 miles home.
I got a big dose of "I'm not in control" today. In the plan to receive the Taxol and Herceptin, Friday was going to be "the day" for 12 weeks. So I planned the next 12 weeks (and school starts in 5) schedule around Friday as my chemo day - well!!! Now that treatments were postponed until Monday (today), I have 12 weeks of Mondays to reschedule!!! I was really mad at first - I might have waited to start the medicines this Friday, to keep on MY schedule. I was really mad at myself for not asking the question about keeping Friday, but I assumed (yes, I know - ass-u-me). Oh, well. Killing this disease is my number one priority and I just needed a healthy dose of "you're not in control". God wants me to go on Mondays and I have to be open to the reason, after all - he planned my life a long time ago and He keeps a date book!
You made my whole being; you formed me in my mother's womb. I praise You because You made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What You have done is wonderful. I know this very well. You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother's body. When I was put together there, You saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old. Psalm 139:13-16
Love, Ellen

Bump in the Road

I was to get the first dose of Taxol and Herceptin today, however, the cancer center was very short staffed and they postponed treatment until Monday. I was disappointed, but grateful that they are thinking of my safety, rather than my schedule. Another bump today was that my oncologist told me he had resigned from the cancer center and that he wouldn't be with me to complete my treatment. Oh, what to do? Marlin and I talked about possible options - change doctors now, wait and see who might replace him, go to another cancer center? I'm asking for prayers again - no decision has to be made immediately, so pray and wait for an answer.
I am feeling good. Last week my white cell count was very low again and I took another Neulasta injection - makes my bones hurt, so quite a bit of pain last weekend. However, I bounce back pretty good and have been busy around the house and working on the computer doing Washburn projects.
Marlin, Grant and I are going to Wichita for a short weekend to see Lindsay and Aaron - this will be the extent of our vacation trips this summer. We haven't been to Wichita for several months, since Lindsay and Aaron were making the trip to Girard about every weekend after my diagnosis. We are going to "the body" exhibit downtown - so it will be fun and educational for me and - no doubt - boring for my family.
Keep me in your prayers in this "bump" of treatment.
Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:3-4.
Lord, give me patience!
Love, Ellen

Error in email address

Okay, my sister's email address is incorrect in the post below -
it's cmarie620@yahoo.com.
Sorry -
Ellen

Progress

I had my last Adriamycin & Cytoxan chemo on July 3! I will begin Taxol and Herceptin on July 18th, as long as my blood counts are good. I will get these drugs every Friday for 12 weeks. My latest MUGA (heart scan) revealed an ejection fraction of 59%, so that is still within normal range and just under my first reading - this is good.
I have added nutritional supplements to my diet. I heard about this product from a friend of mine who got great results with immune health issues. I have heard and read testimonials about the product and believe that it will be beneficial to my health. It's called ReLiv and it is a soy-based product, a powder mixed with water or juice to drink as a shake. I have been drinking the shakes twice daily for about 2 weeks. I'll let you know my results as I experience them.
For those people who don't know me well, I collect Longaberger baskets - and have since 1984! Each summer, the Longaberger company makes a basket "Horizon of Hope" to promote breast cancer awareness. A portion of the profits from the sales of these baskets are given to the American Cancer Society for breast cancer research. If you are interested in participating in this campaign, contact my sister Carol Shaw, who is a Longaberger consultant. If you order before July16, you'll get a 20% discount, yet the same donation will be forwarded to the ACS. Her email address is cmaire620@yahoo.com. If you're not into baskets, then get the travel coffee mug - pink with the breast cancer ribbon - really cute!
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Love,
Ellen

Bless the Family

June 22 my family had a reunion at the family farm - my brother's farm. We had 28 in attendance! You can see some of the activities in the photos. The second photo shows Grant cranking homemade ice cream with me holding the freezer down with my foot. (I was blonde that day!) Several of my great - neices & nephews are helping. Lindsay is blowing bubbles with her cousin, Jackie. In the first photo the group is gathering to begin the best tradition - eating! Phil cooked Shipman beef hamburgers and everyone else brought family favorite foods. My sisters are under the tent preparing for the crowd - Joyce, Luanne, Nora and Carol. We also had a hay ride and toured the farm. It was a great day!

I hope each of you are enjoying family and friends this summer - and every chance you can. I am fortunate to have a close-knit family that I love spending time with.

I am feeling good and preparing for July 3rd treatment. My sister, Carol, will accompany me, since she is here from Montana for another few days. She will "represent" the Shipman family at my mother's family reunion on July 6th.

Happy Independence Day! Bless YOUR family and God Bless America!

Love,

Ellen

Finding Opportunities

My third round of chemo was Thursday. Lindsay was with me all day and I appreciated her companionship. I think it was important for her to come to be a support for me and she was. She got to spend some quality time with Marlin, too, as they went for lunch while I napped.
Saturday was a rough day for me, some nausea and vomiting. I had not experienced any until this time. So I was thankful for the medicines I have to help me through it.
My family & friends surround me with loving phone calls and visits. My PEO sisters provided a meal for my family Thursday after treatment. It was delicious! Thank you, Bobbi and Sally.
My last treatment with Adriamycin and Cytoxan will be July 3rd, then I'll begin a two different medicines, Taxol and Herceptin. These meds will be given weekly for 12 weeks. They will be given in a shorter amount of time, probably just 2-3 hours, rather than all day. Following that will be daily radiation. I am to see the radiologist near the end of the next 12 weeks to determine how many daily treatments (M-F) that I will receive. Next week I am to have another MUGA (heart) scan to determine if the medicines have damaged my heart. Keep me in your prayers - that my heart remains healthy.
I am grateful for the kind gestures extended to me when I'm in public. I have had so many comments on my blog - and I hope it helps someone to understand the cancer experience. Certainly, writing is therapeutic for me, as well.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:10
Hope you had a great Father's Day and family time together -
Love and prayers,
Ellen

Beauty Day

Monday, I attended a special class sponsored by the American Cancer Society "Look Good, Feel Better". I would recommend the class for any female that is undergoing cancer treatments. The class is facilitated by a licensed cosmotologist who provides advice on dealing with skin, nail and hair changes that occur with most chemotherapy. She taught the group about makeup application and how to keep makeup "clean" and "sanitary" because of the increased risk for infections. Everyone attending received a bag with about $250 worth of makeup and skin care products donated by major cosmetic companies, such as Clinique, Mary Kay, Clarins, Estee Lauder and others. We discussed wig fitting, hats and scarves. It was informative and a lot of fun!
I am doing well, staying close to home and enjoying friends' visits and calls. I rode to Pittsburg on Wednesday with a friend to get a Starbucks. My next treatment is June 12.
If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new! 2 Corinthians 5:17
Love -
Ellen

Family time

I am happy to report that I will be spending the weekend with this wonderful family. Grant is racing at Heartland Park in Topeka this weekend - it's "the nationals". He borrowed a motor home from a friend so I'll have an air-conditioned place to land. Marlin's brother from Lees Summit will join us, along with Adam, Grant's friend from Olathe.

I am feeling good. I went to Pittsburg today alone (drove the Excursion) to get my blood test and did some grocery shopping. I was worn out by the time I got home, but really, I think I'm doing good. I am looking forward to getting out this weekend and having some distraction. Wish Grant good luck!

Thanking God each day for the blessings in my life.

Love,

Ellen

Now a Red-Head!

My first day as a red-head was a success. In the photo I am in the front of my house next to the iris and peonies in bloom. They are both just gorgeous now!

Marlin and I took a road trip to Joplin, Mo, to do a few errands on Wednesday after by "buzz". He was looking for a new lounge chair to match our patio furniture and I was looking for time out of the house! We both got our wishes.

We had a good laugh - at least a knowing smile - when the sales clerk complimented me on my hair! She was a red-head and said she liked the cut and color of my hair. Marlin told her that I had just cut it - and I mentioned that I had it colored, too. The clerk just went on and on! So I don't know if she knew it was a wig or not, but that's okay. We had a good chuckle after we left the store.

My second treatment was May 22 and it went well. I was a little more tired on Friday and Saturday following. I have to give myself a Neulasta shot the day after each treatment to help boost my blood cell production. I asked to give the shots to myself, rather than going to the hospital. I am saving the insurance company $9,000 by doing this!! Yes, that's right- nine thousand dollars! Amazing, isn't it?

My devotion yesterday spoke to me. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 I needed that quieting yesterday and am ever grateful I have my faith to hold me up.

Remember the freedoms we enjoy during this Memorial Day weekend. Blessings to you and your family.

Love, Ellen

Bird's Nest Hair

Wednesday, May 21, was "shave day". My hair was falling out in fistfuls and the mess it created was just annoying. I hadn't washed my hair is several days to preserve it a little longer, but it felt dead, dry and dull. I told Marlin I was ready. He has a friend, Anne, who had all the necessary equipment and she offered to come to the house. Marlin would join me in getting "buzzed". Anne suggested we go outside so that my hair would fall in the grass so that birds could use it to build their nests. Well, come to think of it, I remember seeing hair in birds nests and I've had days where my mother exclaimed my hair looked like a bird's nest - so I thought Anne had a good idea. I got a lawn chair and Marlin got the extention cord and my hair began to fall. It was a powerful feeling, to take this little bit of control, making this decision. Marlin followed me - although I am not sure the birds will benefit quite so much with his contribution.
Giving my hair to the birds was comforting, providing a cozy home for hatchlings this spring. God takes care of the birds and he is caring for me.
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot the soul. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of the Father. And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:26-30 (paraphrased)
I've made God's job a little easier: numbers of hairs on my head= zero!
Love, Ellen

Spring Fever

I am enjoying the beauty of the spring flowers in our yard. The iris are all blooming and the peonies are just about to burst out. I love the aroma of both - truly heralding spring. Marlin and I enjoyed the spring afternoon by taking a ride in the covertible with the top down. Marlin told me it would help me loose my hair - and it's coming out pretty fast now. The "shave day" is very close. I know several friends are anxious to see me as a redhead, but if the temperatures continue to climb - you may get me with the "Jason" look. (Okay, don't tell me you're not watching Dancing with the Stars?? This is the last week!)
The neupogen shots are going okay - I would recommend getting them in the abdomen, not the arm - there are less nerve endings in the abdomen and I have lots of abdominal tissue for "easy site rotation". I just had to get a nursing lesson in there somewhere!
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Take a walk and enjoy the season. I continue to be blessed by your cards, thoughts and prayers.
Love to you -
Ellen

Two Lows

I was fortunate to have one of my sisters (Carol from Montana) accompany me today for my blood test and prosthesis fitting. My blood test proved the chemo is working, as my white cell count (absolute neutrophil count) was severely depressed. The low count makes me a high risk for infection. I will have to take subcutaneous (under the skin) injections of Neupogen (filgrastim) for five days to help the bone marrow to make more blood cells. The main side effect is pelvic bone pain. I can attest to that side effect. Marlin worked today in the yard and my back feels like I did, too. I am also taking an antibiotic to help protect me from infection. Of course, I must stay out of crowds, avoid sick people and wash my hands frequently.
This is a funny fact - my insurance company will cover the cost of two bras each year - but if I had a double mastectomy, I would be eligible for four bras each year. Okay, where is the logic? The prosthetic (fake) breasts are very realistic compared to the foam falsies that women wore years ago. I was able to select from a variety of styles of bras and the nurse that fits the prosthesis was helpful in giving me "care and feeding" tips for the new breast. Did you know that having one breast can cause poor posture? I am learning every day.
I would like to thank everyone for the kind words following my mother's death. I was blessed with a surprise visit from Barb and Lori from Washburn, who attended the funeral. Although it is a sad time for me and my family, I know Mama is in heaven with an incorruptible mind and body. (If you attended the funeral, you understand this reference.) She had been unable to recognize me for several months, due to AD. She was not able to understand my diagnosis or provide me support. Now, I believe, she has complete knowledge and will be watching over me. I am grieving, joyously.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and he delivers them. Psalm 34:7
If you can, hug your mama today.
Love, Ellen

Sweet Passing

My dear friends,
My mother, Geneva Shipman, passed today about 12:30 pm. She had been in failing health for several years with Alzheimer's disease. My siblings and I are blessed with happy memories of her 94 years. She is safely in Our Father's (and our Daddy's) arms.
Ellen

Mean Genes? No Way!

My surgeon from St. Louis, Dr. Margenthaler, called today to tell me that the gene test results came back. There is no genetic cause for my breast cancer. Although I have a strong family history, the gene test is clear (and BCBS paid for the test- some companies will not). Good news, especially for my daughter, Lindsay, as her risk for breast cancer is not increased.
I had a blood test today (CBC) and my cell counts are lowered, but within normal limits. I will have tests weekly to monitor the impact of the chemotherapy drugs - known to lower blood cell counts, causing the side effects of bleeding/bruising (low platelets), fatigue (low red cell count), and infection (low white cells). The lowest point of cell count is called nadir, when I am at highest risk for these side effects. I have not reached that point yet. Although I am fatigued, my friend tells me "your body is fighting and fighting is hard work". Put up your dukes, cancer! I am ready!
I am blessed by all your cards, positive thoughts and prayers. I am thankful to God for supplying so many blessings in my life - you being one of them.
Love,
Ellen

Big C, little c

Cancer is considered the little c, when Christ is the Big C - and I know that the Big C will conquer the little c.
My new warrior words!
Still doing well - thank you for prayers.
Ellen

Fun Family Time

This photo is from two weekends ago when Lindsay was down for her birthday. Isn't she a beauty? Aaron, her husband, is standing behind her. Lindsay has been a big help this weekend, being Chief Cook and Bottle Washer and giving directions to Dad. It's good to have family.
I am enjoying the day -
Blessings this Sunday to you.
Ellen

First Round Down

May 1 was my first chemo treatment. I arrived at 8:30 a.m. for lab work and pre-meds. The pre-meds help fight side effects like nausea and vomiting (yewh! I hate that!). My anxieties are always for no reason and I continuously have to remind myself that I am really not in control here. I have to leave so much in God's hands. My port worked fine (anxiety #1). The two drugs were given to me very slowly, so about 6 hours later, I left the Cancer center. Eileen was my nurse, but all the nurses in the center eventually came into my room to visit or check on me. I asked for a private room for my first treatment, and may go to the central "recliner chair" room in the future. My very good friend, Faith, took me to the Center and Marlin arrived about mid-morning and stayed to take me home about 3 p.m. I am thankful for the loving support they both provided during the day.
I am doing okay, so far (day 3). I have received lots of calls and short visits and I so appreciate them all. My family and friends keep me going. I have treasured each inspirational note or just a call to gossip about American Idol! (Go -David Cook! Yeah!)
My prayer today: I am grateful that You are able to make all grace abound in me so that in all things at all times I will have all that I need. Fill me up with all the gifts of Your Spirit: love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. I praise You for the perfect gifts You give to me.
Blessings to you all -
Ellen

Not a Cup of Coffee

I've had a muga - and it doesn't have anything to do with coffee. Monday I had a MUGA scan (multiple gated acquisition scan) which is a special test of heart function, more specifically - ejection fraction. A MUGA was done to see how well blood is pushed from my heart. The test is done by obtaining a blood sample and attaching radiation to it and re-injecting the blood into the patient, then watching the blood move through the heart with a special camera. It takes about 30 minutes to complete, and the hard part is lying very still with your arms overhead. Two of the chemotherapy medications that I will be taking can have side effects on the heart. The test will be repeated periodically throughout the next few months to monitor the effect on my heart. Today the doctor called to tell me the results - and my ejection fraction is 60.8% - so students what is a "normal" ejection fraction? Okay, I give - 55-70% is considered normal.
The protocol that I will receive is a standard treatment for ER/PR negative with HER2/neu positive tumors - AC - TH protocol, which is Adriamycin and Cytoxan followed by Taxol and Herceptin. I will get AC every three weeks for 4 rounds, then TH every three weeks for 4 rounds. It is anticipated that I will receive Herceptin, which attacks the HER2/neu positive cells, every week for a year following completion of the chemotherapy. Radiation therapy is also planned following chemotherapy and I will get the Herceptin along with radiation. Herceptin is unlike other chemotherapy drugs, as there are few side effects, such as loosing hair, GI effects or fatigue. However, Herceptin is one of the drugs that has heart side effects.
I have the first round tomorrow - May 1- which will take most of the day, as the adriamycin is given over 4 hours.
I know many people will have me in their thoughts and prayers tomorrow as I begin another "leg" of my recovery journey. I am thankful for the many blessings in my life.
It is again time to put on the "warrior" armor and fight! I am ready!
Power to you and to me-
Ellen

Tender Mercies

Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis on Monday afternoon for the follow-up appointment with Dr. Margenthaler, my surgeon. The appointment was Tuesday morning. She was pleased with the healing and removed the two drains I had - which gave me much relief. She told me that I could start chemotherapy as soon as a week and that my next follow-up appointment with her would be in six months. I have some post-op exercises for the left arm and shoulder to help prevent swelling (lymphedema) in that arm. Who knew I'd be exercising 3 times a day!
While in St. Louis, I made Marlin take me to some wig shops. I wanted to try some on and see what style would look best. We had some fun - I became a brunette and a red-head for a few minutes! I even tried on a silver-gray color. The shop had some funky ones - like the pink pageboy that Brittney wears - I didn't go for it. I actually look pretty good in strawberry-blonde - so look out for me as a red-head! I once had my hair colored a light red when Lindsay was in high school. I called her from the salon to come and see me and she nixed it - so I went back to blonde that very day. I think this time, Lindsay won't protest too much. Marlin says "it really makes your eyes blue". I never got real parental when it came to my kids' hair - after all, hair is temporary - and it should be a source of fun in this situation. You have to find humor in something! I also have a nice collection of turbans and hats, thanks to my friends and family. Hair loss begins 7-14 days after the first treatment, although there is some variation depending on the medication.
I saw Dr. River, oncologist, in Pittsburg, Wednesday, April 23rd to discuss beginning chemotherapy. He confirmed that he would follow the recommendations from the specialists in St. Louis, which relieved my anxiety a great deal. He was planning to discuss the medications again with Dr. Bose in St. Louis before he would give me a definite protocol. I will see Dr. River this afternoon to confirm the plan, however we did decide "C-day" is May 1.
I am doing well, still somewhat inpatient with my recovery. I get tired in the early evening, but I am sleeping well. I appreciate all the cards, calls, packages and prayers. I know that many have me in their thoughts and I am overwhelmed with emotion, gratefulness, and thanksgiving - to have so many friends and family supporting me.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits; who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies. Psalm 103: 2-4
Blessings and mercy to you -
Love, Ellen

Seventh day stretch

I am seven days post-op and recovery is going pretty smoothly. I continually fight with my tendencies to "get things done" in my usual efficient manner. Healing takes time! I am reading that stack of books in the corner, watching the birds at the feeder in the backyard, and learning to knit. (Okay, Faith - I'm stuck, you'll have to come and help me with the next stitch.) Two of my sisters, Nora and Carol, arrived Tuesday evening and have been wonderful company and even better house slaves. (ha-ha) I will have the cleanest house in Girard by the time they leave on Sunday. Of course, Marlin is getting used to the gourmet cooking and will soon be disappointed in the sandwich meals sure to come in the next few weeks. My third sister, Luanne, will come Friday for the day. My brother is my mail carrier and has delivered your cards and notes to me daily. I really enjoy and truly appreciate all of them. I am suddenly an old lady - looking for the mailman!
I return to St. Louis next Tuesday, April 22, for follow up with my surgeon. I have an appointment on Wednesday with the oncologist in Pittsburg to plan chemotherapy - hopefully to start by the end of April.
I continue to lean on the Lord for strength and solice during this time. I know there are hundreds on people praying for me and I feel your loving embrace.
Blessings to you all - every one.
Love to all - Ellen

Details of the day

Thank you to nurses- colleagues - who provided care during my hospital stay - my nurses were Beth Ellen (pre-op), Jeff (CRNA), Dennis & Chris (OR), Lana (recovery), Barbara (new grad, new RN), Cindy (new grad, new RN), Eileen (nursing student)and Belinda (NP). I had excellent nursing care and my anxieties about being so far from home and not personally knowing the nurses, were for no reason. I remember that He provides the care and I should not fear. My prayers (and yours!) were answered. I tried hard not to intimidate the nurses who knew I was a nursing instructor - the new grads did, however, learn a few tricks from this "old nurse" - like releasing the slide clamp allows the IV to drip (oops!). Hanging those piggyback IVs is always a challenge, at first!
My surgery went well. The surgeon, Dr. Margenthaler, had a "fellow", Dr. Dana Holwitz, who assisted with the surgery - both were very attentive and I felt confident in their care. The PET scan on Wednesday provided some positive news - the lymph node near my left collar bone is not cancer. I do have several nodes near the breast bone that will be attacked by chemotherapy and radiation.
The surgery was a left modified radical mastectomy with lymph node dissection. Dr. M. stated that she did see two lymph nodes that were cancer, and the pathologist will look through the removed tissue to find other nodes. I must wait on a pathology report to know more.
I arrived in recovery room, where I awoke following surgery, with a Q-ball (On Q). This is a round plastic reservoir filled with local anesthetic that "leaks" into the incision to provide pain relief. It is about the size of a cue ball. The reservoir slowly collapses as the bupivicaine is released through a very slim plastic tube inserted below the skin. The ball lasts about 3 days and then it is removed, by pulling the catheter out. The portion that rests under the skin is about 8 inches long! Marlin watched me as I pulled this out yesterday - I thought he might faint - but he has done very well in this crash course of nursing! According the the nurses, the Q-ball is used frequently with orthopedic surgeries, but I was only the second mastectomy patient to receive one at this surgery center. I would certainly recommend it! My pain level was never greater than 6 or 7 (out of 10) during the entire time at the hospital. Of course, I saved the Q-ball for "show and tell" with my students!
I was dismissed on Friday about noon and rode home in the Excursion on a mattress in the back. Grant drove and I was able to tolerate the trip well - of course, pain pills work great! We got home about 5:30 pm.
I have been resting at home since then. Thank you to friends from church, Fleta and Suzie, for providing meals this weekend and Brenda for staying with me while Marlin attended to business. I have been humbled by the generosity of my church friends, many blessings!!
My sisters will be arriving on Tuesday and will be a huge help in the next week. Marlin can get a break!
That's all for now - blessings and thanksgiving!
Love to you,
Ellen

Wrapped in love

Yesterday, my pastor's wife, Belinda, presented me with a prayer shawl that was knitted by women of the Christian Church in Topeka. It is their ministry to provide these beautiful shawls to anyone with illness and in need of prayer. Thank you, Belinda, for thinking of me. I have been wrapped in it since I received it. I am amazed by the sources of love and support that I receive.
I am preparing for the trip to St. Louis tomorrow. I will have a PET scan in the late afternoon and the surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning. I will also get a port that will provide an avenue to give chemotherapy. The port is a "cork" that goes under the skin near the collar bone that goes directly into a large vein so that I won't have to be stuck each time I get chemo - it's standard practice to have one.
Lindsay won't be making the trip to St. Louis. She has a terrible upper respiratory infection and missed work today. She needs prayer, too, to get better and because she wants to be with me for this trip. Marlin and Grant will travel with me and we plan to be back in Girard Friday evening.
Send positive thoughts and prayers for safe travel, skillful surgeon's hands and for His will be done.
Ellen

Finally --- Good News!

The MRI results are back - the right breast has been "cleared". Dr. Bose, medical oncologist, and Dr. Margenthaler, breast surgeon, both called today to tell me that the suspicious spot on the right breast was highly likely benign - and not anything to be concerned with at this time! Glory, Joy, Joy, Joy! Finally, good news.
Dr. Bose called to tell me about the discussion of my case by the "tumor board". The pathologist reviewed tissue slides from my surgery and believes it likely that I have additional tumor cells in the remaining part of the left breast (so he recommends mastectomy). The five medical oncologists on the board agreed - and of course, Dr. M. believes that additional surgery is required. I am confident that the physicians' recommendation is the right thing to do. I am scheduled for April 10th in St. Louis.
Chemotherapy will follow in about 4 weeks, lasting 3-5 months, then radiation treatments.
I am at home, resting, eating lots of fresh fruits & veggies (antioxidants)and leaning on the Lord for His continuing guidance.
Joy, joy, joy!
Love to you - Ellen

In Preparation

If you've been a frequent reader - you'll remember an early entry about "preparing" not "waiting". I received a powerful message in my devotion last night - I want to share it with you.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
Thank you for your petitions.
Love to you - Ellen

A Full Day

Marlin and I traveled to St. Louis on Monday afternoon. I saw Dr. Julie Margenthaler at the Center for Advanced Medicine at Barnes-Jewish Hospital Tuesday, April 1 (no foolin'). I was her first appointment, 8 am. She is a breast surgeon and I was impressed by her confidence and interest in me. She recommended that I have a modified radical mastectomy with lymph node dissection on the left (affected side) as soon as possible. I discussed with her the suspicious lesion on the other breast. I was hoping that the biopsy could be done at the same time as the other surgery. She recommended that I get another MRI that day so she could compare the results to the one I had in Joplin. We won't make a decision about the "other" breast until the MRI results are back - hopefully tomorrow (Friday). I did ask about doing mastectomies on both, but she is not recommending that, because of the longer healing time. We briefly discussed reconstruction surgery - not to be considered until all the treatment is done. I also had blood drawn for the breast cancer gene test. Some insurance companies are covering this test - I am unsure if mine will, but the lab tech told me that the lab and the insurance company will "duke it out" about the payment. So I'll leave that for someone else to worry about.
Dr. M. has surgery scheduled for me on Thursday, April 10th. Yesterday, I was able to complete the MRI and all pre-operative preparations. Everything that needed to be done went smoothly and completed in one day. Thanksgiving! We were able to leave St. Louis by 5 pm and got home about 9:30 pm. (okay, Marlin has a radar detector)
I am in Topeka this afternoon, Thursday and Friday, trying to prepare for my absence. I am so priviledged to work with a supportive group of women at Washburn nursing - and they have offered to cover classes for me - and I will accept their offer. I am learning how to accept the generosity of others.
My daily devotions continue to "speak to me". I am touched by the cards, prayers, and kind thoughts.
Ellen

Up Staged

I saw Dr. Bose, medical oncologist, at the Siteman Cancer Center in St. Louis on Friday. My entire family went - Marlin, Grant, Lindsay and Aaron - and was included in the consultation. I was impressed by the consultation. Dr. Bose had made several pages of notes, obviously had reviewed all of my test results and asked me to share my story regarding the lump. He spent nearly 90 minutes with me and made several recommendations.
The MRI completed at Freeman on March 25th revealed a "suspicious lesion" in the other breast and a lymph node near the breast bone. The fact that my initial tumor was greater than 5 centimeters and that the sentinal node was positive added with the new information, elevates the cancer stage to III. Dr. Bose recommended that I see a breast cancer surgeon and have more surgery immediately to remove all lymph nodes from the affected side (left) and to get a biopsy of the lesion in the right breast. I have an appointment to see a breast cancer surgeon in St. Louis on Tuesday, April 1.
Dr. Bose plans to have the pathologist review my tissue specimens and plans to repeat some of the tests on the tumor tissue- specifically the HER2/neu which will help determine chemotherapy drugs. He recommends that I get the breast cancer gene test - since I have a strong family history. He also wants to get additional CT scans.
My case will be reviewed by a "tumor board" on Thursday. This board is a multi-disciplinary team of 5 different cancer specialists that reviews my case and makes recommendations for treatment to the primary oncologist. So I'll be a "case study".
Thank you for the prayers, as our travel was uneventful. We ate a nice dinner Friday evening at Joe's Crab Shack - one of Grant's favorite places - and I had a nice plate of shrimp and a couple of margaritas. Shoe-shopping was also on the agenda and I got some cute summer sandals. My birthday was March 29th, I received several birthday cards. Marlin got be a dozen beautiful dark pink roses and a pink iPod nano - which I am really enjoying.
Thanks to Kathy and Lori for sharing their journey and for their guidance and listening ear. Continue prayers and positive thoughts as I move forward . . . .
Love to all - Ellen

Feeling the Power!

I completed my evening devotions as I was resting on my back in bed last night. I dropped my Bible and devotion book on the floor next to the bed and closed my eyes. As I began to relax, I felt a pressure on my lap that was warm and pulsating. I knew it wasn't my pulse, as I was feeling the beat of my heart. My entire body became warm and relaxed and I felt a great peace come over me. I opened my eyes to see nothing, yet the feeling remained for several minutes. I believe I had a divine visit last night, through your prayers and by my faith. I felt His peace and I slept better than I have slept in weeks!
Or I had a major hot flash . . . . . !
Love you! Ellen

The Squeaky Wheel . . . .

Tuesday, March 25, I had a special MRI of both breasts at Freeman Hospital in Joplin. I have had several scans and blood tests in anticipation of the consultation at Barnes-Jewish on Friday. Although Dr. River, my oncologist, has faxed many results and physician's notes, I must carry with me the original mammogram, pathology slides and other scans on DVD, so the team of physicians can review them to design and recommend the best treatment options for me. However, the radiology department at Freeman wanted the original mammogram, too. As I talked with the radiology department on the phone in scheduling the MRI, I mentioned that I must have the mammograms returned to me that day so that I could take them to my consultation. When I arrived to complete the MRI, the receptionist told me that I couldn't get the mammograms that day, as the radiologist would want them to help in reading the MRI.
So I completed the scan, worrying about the fact that I may not get the mammogram films back in time. I understand (from a nurse's view) how "things happen" and items get misfiled, misplaced or simply lost in the system. After I completed the MRI and dressed, I asked the technician for the mammogram films. To make a long story shorter, I called Dr. River and vented my frustration - was I feeling a little out of control?? Dr. River personally called the radiologist and put the reading of the MRI on the fast track. Marlin was able to pick up the MRI and the original mammogram films today! So, the moral of the story is - the squeaky wheel does get the grease and be your own advocate. I am learning quickly to ask alot of questions and question everything! I am so thankful to understanding of the healthcare system and a background that allows me to comprehend the details of my cancer.
Continue your prayers - for save travel to St. Louis, for expert consultation, and God's hand in healing.
Ellen

Hurrah for Arthritis!

Never thought I would be glad to have arthritis, however, the bone scan completed yesterday revealed that I have arthritic changes in the shoulders, hips and knees, but NO evidence of metastasis. So goody for arthritis! The CT scan revealed a lymph node above the left clavicle (collar bone) and a couple under my left arm. Dr. River (oncologist) believes that the nodes will disappear with chemo and radiation, but of course, he is encouraging me to discuss options with the "professors" at Barnes-Jewish next Friday. Options being to surgically remove the nodes, or wait for the chemo and radiation to work.
I am feeling stronger following surgery last week. My pain is minimal and I am taking Ambien to help with sleep, so I am resting well. My incisions are healing fine, the stitches are subcutaneous (under the skin), so won't have to be removed and the steri-strips fell off (with a little coaxing) yesterday. They were kinda itchy, so I'm glad they are gone. I am able to wear a bra pretty comfortably (not comfortable even before surgery!) and haven't used any padding - don't look too lopsided.
Blessed by all the cards, phone calls and prayers. Thank you for that!
Ellen

Opening the door . . . .

Some answered prayers today - He is opening the door. I received a call from the Siteman Cancer Center at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis. My appointment is Friday, March 28th. My case will be reviewed by a team of physicians who specialize in breast cancer ONLY. The center is part of the National Cancer Institute, so I believe that the team will have access to the best research and protocols for my treatment. My family and I will make decisions about my treatment after hearing the team's recommendation.
I will have a CT and bone scan at Mt. Carmel in Pittsburg this week on Wednesday.
I continue to receive blessings of phone calls and cards from my loving network of family and friends. I accept them with thanksgiving and praise.
Ellen

Tears -

Yes, I have cried. At first my tears were out of fear, today my tears are out of love. I have been touched by so many people already, so early after my diagnosis. My eyes well up each time someone gives me encouragement and hope.
My prayer last night was for my heart to be open to God's will and blessings - that I may receive them willingly, honestly. And that I may be a witness to His greatness. I have received so many blessings!
My devotion today told me to find the place in my heart where He lives and my task today is to "be quiet" and prepare to listen to His will.
Anyone who has been through this knows - waiting is the hardest thing to do. I understand now, that waiting is really "preparing".

Ellen

Ups and downs

The oncologist called Thursday to tell me that the tumor is ER neg and PR neg and HER2/neu at 2+ - not what we were hoping for. (that's the down) More tests are being completed and I'll get more results when I see the oncologist on Thursday, March 20. I am scheduled for a special type of MRI at Freeman in Joplin on March 25th - to check the remaining part of the left breast and my right breast - in search of more tumors. Still waiting for the appointment at Barnes-Jewish in St. Louis for the second opinion.
My church friends and neighbors have been so wonderful to bring in meals in this week. My family and I have enjoyed the bounty of good cooks! I have received dozens of cards, phone calls and several flower arrangements and a few visitors. I am truly blessed. (that's the up) I told Marlin that our house smelled like a flower shop. (another up)
One of my good friends, K. G., I discovered is fighting breast cancer (diagnosed in August and just finished chemo) She visited me on Friday evening. She was hopeful and encouraging. It was good for me to listen to her insights. She is a brave example for me. We laughed and cried together - and that's another 'up'.
My surgery wound is healing well, but I sure get tired quickly. I am trying to keep busy with some project work at Washburn - the miracle of computers.
That's all for today. Ellen

It was a dark and stormy night . . . .

Well, actually, it was a February day that I went to see my primary care doctor about a "lump" I found in my left breast. I thought it was another cyst, as I had one in my right breast about a year ago. Dr. Salvador sent me immediately to the hospital for a sonogram. A few hours following the sonogram, she called me to schedule a mamogram and a probable biospy. It wasn't a cyst.
Tuesday, February 26th I had a biospy in the surgeon's office. The pathologist report was DCIS - ductal carcinoma in situ and the surgeon suggested I see an oncologist.
I saw the oncologist the next Monday. Dr. River tells me that I'll need surgeon and most likely radiation therapy. I had already done my homework, looking on the internet and in my textbooks. He was optimistic, yet realistic. My optimism kicked in and I was confident that a lumpectomy was all that would be required.
My surgery was March10. The surgeon says it's "more" than originally thought. My next appointment is Thursday and I will know more then.
Keep me in your prayers.